Psychologist Points Out The Signs That You Might Be A Draining Person To Be Around

Have you ever wondered why you feel exhausted after hanging out with someone whose company you're supposed to enjoy or why some people don't feel the need to reciprocate the attention and value you're giving them in a relationship? Well, chances are that person in your life is a tad bit draining (or a lot). And if you've never known someone who is draining — we're sorry to break it to you — you should perhaps reflect on your relationships, as there's a chance you might be the draining person. After all, so many of us know at least one.

To better understand what makes a person draining and what can be done if you have one in your life (or you realize you might be draining), we reached out to New York City-based psychologist Dr. Alexandra Stratyner, PhD, of Stratyner + Associates. Speaking exclusively to Glam, she gave us a breakdown of how to recognize a draining person through four main signs — and what to do afterward.

The first sign that somebody might be a draining person is that they're constantly negative about everything. "It can be draining to be around someone who constantly complains or criticizes every situation," Dr. Alexandra Stratyner tells us exclusively. "The negativity creates a negative environment that makes it challenging to enjoy being around them." 

If you notice that someone is constantly pointing out the bad sides of everything, they might be a draining person, though we hate to break it to you. Of course, being negative occasionally is absolutely normal, but if someone is complaining a lot and you notice that it's affecting your mood, their habit is definitely draining for you.

The second sign that someone might be a draining person is that they don't reciprocate emotions or actions. "Suppose you're consistently offering support, listening to their problems, or the one who always reaches out first," Dr. Alexandra Stratyner explains exclusively to Glam. "You might notice that they rarely ask about your life, your challenges, or your successes, and when they do, the conversation quickly shifts back to their issues." 

Dr. Stratyner further explains that this type of dynamic often results in "you feeling unappreciated and exhausted, as it seems like your efforts to connect and support are not reciprocated." However, similar to the previous sign, this has to happen repeatedly for it to actually indicate that someone is draining. After all, we've all had bad days during which reciprocating in any kind of relationship was not on our minds.

The third sign that someone is a drawing person is that they have overly dramatic reactions. "When someone tends to blow simple situations out of proportion, it can create unnecessary stress for those around them," Dr. Alexandra Stratyner exclusively tells us. "Their tendency to react dramatically can escalate minor inconveniences into major crises, which can be exhausting to navigate."

In fact, if you're picking your words to avoid dramatic reactions, the person you're talking to is probably very draining. "You might find yourself walking on eggshells, carefully choosing your words to avoid triggering an overreaction," Dr. Stratyner explains. Now, some people are simply dramatic by nature, and if you don't find any other signs of a draining person in them, chances are that might just be a personality trait.

According to Dr. Alexandra Stratyner, the fourth main sign that someone might be draining to you is their inability to celebrate others. "It can be draining if someone struggles to celebrate your successes or the achievements of others," Dr. Stratyner shares exclusively with Glam.

And frankly, if they aren't able to celebrate you, it's time to stop giving them the time and effort. "Over time, you might begin to share less good news with them," Dr. Stratyner adds. "In a healthy relationship, celebrating each other's victories fosters a sense of support." If any relationship in your life lacks the element of celebrating each other's successes — regardless of the fact that they might be a draining person — it's doubtful whether you actually need them in your life.

If all the signs that Dr. Alexandra Stratyner mentions remind you of someone you know, you're probably wondering what to do. Luckily, Dr. Stratyner gave us two tips on how to actually help keep the person in your life without the negative consequences they have on you. The first thing she suggests is talking openly to them. After all, communication is key to any relationship. "Have a conversation with them. Having a conversation with someone can go a long way," she tells us exclusively. "Communicate honestly and cite specific examples of when their actions have affected you or made you feel drained." Of course, make sure that this conversation happens privately, as nobody likes to be called out on their behavior in front of others. "This person is likely unaware of the problem and will appreciate the feedback if you speak in the right tone and approach the conversation sincerely," Dr. Stratyner adds.

If talking doesn't result in much, the second option is for you to set some boundaries. "This could mean limiting your time with this person or avoiding talking about specific subjects," Dr. Alexandra Stratyner explains. "Although this could be tough, it's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and surround yourself with people who don't drain you." And if you still feel drained even with some boundaries in place, you should perhaps reconsider your relationship with them and whether having them in your life has any benefits at all. Of course, it isn't always possible to end a draining relationship, which is why we've also covered how to deal with coworkers who drain your energy.

Nobody likes when their flaws are pointed out, but if you have a draining person around you, you're not really doing them any favors by staying silent. And if somebody's called you out on being draining, you're probably wondering what you can do. Dr. Alexandra Stratyner explains exclusively to Glam that there are actually quite a few things a draining person can do to improve their relationships.

"Take time to self-reflect," she says. "Try to better understand how you are making others feel around you." Being aware and even asking people around you about their feelings can help you better understand what mistakes you're making in those relationships. "Ask yourself, 'Am I there for others the same way they are there for me?' 'Am I often venting or sharing problems without also discussing positive aspects of my life?'" Dr. Stratyner adds. The goal here is to really consider how you interact with those around you. "Consider seeking honest feedback from a trusted family member or friend about your behavior. This can provide valuable insight," Dr. Stratyner explains. If you do this, you can commit to improving so that your relationships don't have to suffer any longer.

Ultimately, if you or somebody you know is draining, be patient and forgiving. Changing habits and behavior takes time, but if there's a will, a lot can be improved.