How To Reveal Your Pregnancy To A Friend Struggling To Conceive

Being a parent is the ultimate goal for some, whether they're single or in a partnership. That maternal or paternal instinct makes it so they can't think of anything more exciting than bringing a bundle of joy into their lives. Baby fever is real, and the thought of having a mini-me can be all-consuming.

And while some people are as fertile as the day is long, others cannot conceive easily. Watching someone you love deal with infertility is difficult, and it becomes even more so when you discover you have your own pregnancy news to share. "It is reasonable to feel some feelings of guilt upon finding out that you are pregnant on your first attempt while your best friend has been trying for several years with no success," Dr. Gita Zarnegar, a marriage and family therapist, tells Healthline. "Your guilt indicates your empathic attunement towards someone's painful struggles."

There is no easy way to announce that you're pregnant to a friend who is trying to conceive. You can, however, reveal your news in a sensitive and caring way by choosing the right words, listening, and allowing them the space to be disappointed for themselves, but also happy for you.

When it comes to sharing your pregnancy news, timing is everything. Making your friend one of the first people to know is a good idea as it may be hurtful for them to find out from someone else. 

You also want to tell them in private, when it's just the two of you (via Creating a Family). "I would be most hurt to see an announcement post on social media of a close friend who didn't first share her news with me privately," Arielle Bogorad, senior vice president at a fertility and family building benefits company, told HuffPost. She added that acknowledging you have both good news and hard news is a good way to begin the conversation.

Wherever you decide to share, one place you definitely don't want to break the news is at a party or any sort of gathering. Not only are you putting your friend on the spot and hoping they can keep their emotions in check, but you may also unintentionally inject the gathering with sadness.

It's hard to know how your friend might take the news of your pregnancy. If they're having a good day and feeling positive about their own journey, they may receive it with open arms, feeling both happy for you and hopeful for themselves. If they've just found out that another round of IVF didn't work or, more heartbreakingly, recently miscarried, their response may be more muted. If that is the case, give them permission to not be excited for you and don't take it personally (via Growing Serendipity).

If they're cold towards you or begin to cry, allow them to feel that. Listen to what they have to say and grieve with them. And although your instinct might be to tell them that their turn is coming soon or that their next IVF treatment will be the one that is successful, avoid speculating about these details of their own personal journey (via PsychologyToday).

Sharing the news that you're pregnant with a friend who's dealing with infertility may be one of the hardest things you'll have to do. As long as you take their struggle into account and respect the rollercoaster of emotions your pregnancy may trigger in them, your friendship can survive.