Why Sleeping In Separate Rooms Might Actually Be Good For Your Relationship

When it comes to pinning down the characteristics of a healthy long-term relationship or marriage, sleeping together is traditionally at the top of the list. For ages, many have considered the act of sleeping apart an alarming sign of a cheerless, sex-less union, and cohabitating partners who "sleep divorce" are believed to be fast approaching the beginning of the end of their relationship. Even though there's a lot of pressure surrounding the act of sharing a bed, this popular opinion that happy couples should share nighttime digs is, by and large, a socially constructed ideology rather than a result of scientific findings.

Still, let's admit it: sleeping together is a challenge since everybody differs in their nighttime habits, as well as in capacity for physical intimacy. According to sleep expert Stephanie Romiszewski from bedding retailer Bensons for Beds, couples should separate the bedrooms if they need to because "we weren't made to sleep in someone else's sleeping pattern" (via Metro). As a result, some couples sleep worse when sleeping in the same quarters. Meanwhile, many relationships flourish when couples bed by themselves. According to a 2019 study by Bensons for Beds, 34% of respondents who slept separately reported having better quality and more sex, per Bustle.

There may be hope yet for sleeping apart and staying in a healthy, happy relationship.

According to the Independent, a YouGov survey of 2,000 British couples' sleeping patterns completed in 2018 found that 15% of Britons prefer to sleep separate from their partners. The study found that loud snoring and waking up to minor noise disturbances were major sticking points in the bedroom. Meanwhile, a survey conducted by NaturePedic revealed that 60% of respondents who bedded by themselves felt "less stressed during the day compared to when they sleep with their partners."

If you and your partner don't have similar nocturnal schedules, having separate bedrooms can help improve sleep quality. When you have the entire sleeping quarter to yourself, you can concentrate on getting a good night's sleep rather than putting up with your partner's snoring, kicking, or sheet hogging. If you don't have uninterrupted sleep for a long time, you will inevitably feel stressed and probably break the vow of "never going to bed angry." In order for any relationship to continue to be healthy, adequate me-time, which is vital to your overall health, should be prioritized.

Regularly spending the nights alone allows spouses to miss each other and generate anticipation on both sides. You have something to look forward to when you know you won't be sharing the same bed every night, and you may even want to make an effort to jazz up your bedroom activities.

Peter Saddington, a sex and relationship counselor at Relate in the U.K., told HuffPost the reason why tweaking the sleeping arrangements can have a positive impact on couples' sex life. "You see your partner not always necessarily looking their best — sweaty, disheveled," Saddington explained. "But if you're just there for sex you can put more effort in and present yourself when you're feeling at your best. For some people, it can even heighten excitement."

"When it comes to couples' sleeping arrangements," as behavioral scientist Wendy Troxel put it, "there is no 'right' way." What counts most is how you arrive at your decision. Whether it's clashing work schedules or unpleasant sleeping patterns that lead to conflicts in the bedroom, resolving temporary concerns before returning to a shared bed may do the trick for couples whose relationships are hitting snags.