6 Common Traits Of Two-Faced People

It always hurts when someone seems dead set on disliking you or causing trouble in your life, but at least some people are honest about their animosity. It could be so much worse: That unknown rival could turn out to be a supposed friend. Sadly, many of us have encountered people who seemed friendly but turned out to be hiding a more malicious side. Whether it's a coworker who acted civil but undermined your project, someone who called themselves your BFF but spread gossip behind your back, or even a significant other who never really had your best interest in mind, two-faced people can pop up anywhere.

Bear in mind that being two-faced is different — and potentially worse — than someone who's just fake. Most of us misrepresent ourselves a little bit, whether it's to sail smoothly through a social situation or boost our own fragile self-image, but a fake person doesn't necessarily have malevolent intent, unlike the mean and selfish streak lurking in someone who's two-faced. So, how can you spot a truly two-faced individual in the wild? While these dissemblers are good at masking their spiteful sides, traits like love bombing, gossiping, and passive-aggressiveness could point to their two-faced nature.

You may have heard about love bombing, a side-eye-worthy dating tactic that involves winning someone over with over-the-top affection. In a similar move, two-faced individuals can seem incredibly welcoming at first, showering you with compliments and friendly chatter. But it's like they say: If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is. People with two-faced tendencies often want everyone to like them, which is why they put up a buddy-buddy front, even for people they don't actually care about. They may also play nice for the sake of networking, using their likable exterior as a way to jockey for positions and status.

Behind the scenes, however, their behavior can tell a different story. Once they've established themselves as supposedly trustworthy and likable, look out for red flags that these manipulators aren't as sweet and loyal as they appear. Since being friendly is only a means to an end, two-faced people will have limits on how far they'll go for you. Note whether their care and empathy are consistent or whether these qualities seem to wax and wane at their convenience. Are they still around when they don't need anything from you?

If you suspect that a new acquaintance is trying to wriggle into your good graces, there are signs you're being love bombed by a friend, whether they're monopolizing your time, bringing you gifts, or laying on the flattery a little too thick. Where necessary, set boundaries and take things slowly to ensure you're not being dazzled by a two-faced person's insincere gestures.

None of us are immune to gossip, and sharing a juicy tidbit of information can be fun and mostly harmless. However, if someone in your social circle is always spilling secrets and sharing inflammatory opinions from the sidelines of everyone else's drama, they may not be as innocent as they appear.

Two-faced people thrive on gossip. For one thing, sharing information "in confidence" can make the folks around them feel exclusive, like they share a special bond — something that puts the two-faced person in a position of security and power in the relationship. Exacerbating drama also weakens the other connections in their sphere by sowing distrust and discord among friends, colleagues, or even family members, which leaves the pot-stirrer in a prime position to look like the good guy and be everyone's bestie. But remember: If they're willing to gossip with you, they may also be willing to gossip about you.

People who are two-faced tend to be skilled manipulators. They may have years of experience lying about their real feelings, which can make it tough to notice when they're being untruthful or twisting a situation. But if you start to see evidence that they're making issues worse instead of better — and perhaps intentionally — it could be time to put some distance into your relationship before you also get pulled into the storm of drama. As relationship expert Charlotte Johnson told Newsweek, "If your friend has broken your trust, [is] creating drama, and not showing concern for your feelings, these are all major signs that demonstrate it could be the right time to cut ties."

One hallmark of a two-faced personality — and one of the best ways to identify this character flaw — is their words not lining up with their actions. Words are the weapons of a manipulator, but don't let pretty speech distract you from what they're actually doing. Does a coworker privately tell you that your project is great and then suddenly point out its weaknesses in a group meeting? Does a friend promise to keep a secret but then tell anyone who will listen? They may be trying to secretly undermine you or trick you into thinking they're an ally when they aren't.

Body language is another good clue that someone is being less than honest. When someone's body language refuses to line up with what they're saying, you aren't getting the whole truth. Regarding two-faced individuals, look for signs of secret resentment or hostility in their mannerisms. They may avoid eye contact while in friendly conversation with you, or you may catch them glaring when they think you aren't looking.

If you're still having trouble determining someone's true motivations, there are a few tips to determine whether someone is a true friend or a frenemy in disguise. For instance, be wary of any so-called pals who disrespect you, seem threatened by your accomplishments, or always compete with you, even if their sugary words try to say otherwise.

Many of us do a little behavioral code-switching to suit our circumstances. After all, the way we act with friends may not be the mature and professional face we want to show our bosses. We might also tell the occasional white lie to spare someone's feelings or gloss over an unflattering detail. However, two-faced people take all of this to the next level. Chronically inauthentic, someone two-faced may get caught telling harmful lies or changing their stories from person to person, especially when tweaking that tale may stir the pot between other people or show the liar in the best light.

While bending the truth isn't a good habit for anyone to cultivate, intention matters when identifying a two-faced person. As therapist Laura Sgro explained to Everyday Health, researchers have identified at least two kinds of lying — one for the sake of others that's "meant to protect someone's feelings or benefit them in some way" and one that's for the sake of the liar that's "much less altruistic." So, when you catch someone in a lie, ask yourself: Who does the lie benefit?

If you think someone is telling self-serving falsehoods or gaslighting you in some way, Sgro recommends keeping receipts. "Some people who lie are skilled in dismantling your sense of reality, so documentation is an excellent tool to stay grounded in your own perspective." Clear examples of manipulative behavior can also give you evidence that someone is being two-faced rather than well-meaning or forgetful.

At first, a two-faced person's love for drama might make it seem like they thrive on tension and arguments, but it's often the other way around. A manipulator is fine with causing chaos among the people around them, but they don't want to be trapped in a direct confrontation themselves. That's why two-faced people typically sneak around and obscure their true feelings — they want to rock your boat, but not their own.

"Often, [passive-aggressiveness] develops when people believe they need to control, hide, disguise, or deny their anger in order to preserve their relationships with others," therapist Alicia Muñoz told MindBodyGreen. This goes hand in hand with a two-faced person's tendency to keep things publicly civil, then backstab you in secret.

It can also be hard for a two-faced person to pull their usual tricks if you corner them on a topic, which is why they'd rather be passive-aggressive than start an obvious disagreement. This can make productive communication difficult, but there are ways to navigate a relationship with a passive-aggressive partner, friend, or coworker — mainly, by keeping your cool and factually calling them out on their behavior. They may not even realize they have a bad case of mean-girl syndrome, so forcing some self-reflection could help them grow and evolve into someone more reliable.

Sometimes, spotting the cause of two-faced behavior can help you realize when someone isn't on the level. For instance, someone who has major insecurities — and lets those insecurities steer their behavior and relationships — may feel compelled to tear other people down to make themselves feel better or to direct attention toward other people's imperfections. If you know that a friend or coworker has low self-esteem or sore points around certain subjects, watch how that influences their actions. Are they able to celebrate other people who excel in these areas, or do they tend to get catty and resentful behind closed doors? Venting about a disappointment is one thing, but are they always disgruntled when others do well? It's a red flag similar to habitual gossip: If they're showing you competitive pettiness, they may be saying similarly bitter things about your successes.

Two-faced behavior can also rear its ugly, insecure head if every compliment is followed by a "but" and a criticism, or if every inquiry about your life is focused on your struggles and difficulties. For example, a two-faced friend might say, "Congratulations on the new house. But didn't you want a bigger one?" Or they might ignore your exciting promotion to poke and prod into your nonexistent love life — especially if theirs is going great.

"Criticism is a slow but steady poison for any close relationship," psychologist Jared DeFife explained to Reader's Digest. "Share your good news with friends who will amplify your joy instead of smothering it under a wet blanket of constant criticism." It's a good idea to keep two-faced acquaintances at arm's length in general. This gives them less ammunition to interfere with your life, while giving you space from constant negativity that tends to follow their false friendship.