5 Family Members You Should Keep At Arm's Length

We've all heard the saying that "you can't choose your family," and unfortunately, that clan that we didn't choose can sometimes have toxic people in it. This can mean learning when it's finally time to sever ties with toxic family members. If you get invited to a family event and dread seeing a relative or two, that could mean they've displayed behavior toward you that made you feel not so good about yourself — and that you may be better off creating some distance from them. "Toxic behaviors exist on a continuum. Truly toxic behaviors are part of a pattern of maltreatment or lack of regard for others. They aren't isolated incidents," licensed clinical social worker Sharon Martin explained to WebMD.

Whether it's an aunt who keeps pressuring you about getting married and having kids or your overly competitive cousin, continuing to be around the negativity isn't great for your mental health. While you may not be able to cut ties completely, what you can do is distance yourself so that you're not an easy target — and that means keeping certain members of your family at arm's length, both mentally and physically.

It's great to feel needed, especially by a loved one, but when family members constantly expect you to drop everything for them, your life can quickly become exhausting. Sometimes, those who are closest to you don't feel any qualms about asking you to help them move or borrow your car for the weekend. They may constantly show up uninvited only to crash on your couch and think nothing of staying for breakfast when you have an early meeting. Now is the time to set boundaries in your relationship and tell them "no" once in a while.

What's worse is when a family member continuously asks to borrow money and makes you feel obligated to help them. "Usually, the same person within the family asks for money repeatedly and that person most often has bad money habits," financial planner George Kiraly Jr. explained to CNBC. "Saying no is sometimes the best help you can give someone — otherwise you become an enabler." It may be hard to turn down your loved one, but if they realize they can't take advantage of you anymore, they'll stop asking for so much help.

We all have a relative who loves to nag, and sometimes, it's just a form of love. They show that they care by fussing over you and worrying about your health or love life. However, when it's more than harmless scolding and you feel criticized constantly, you're dealing with someone with a toxic trait. It's hard enough to manage our own sometimes-flailing self-esteem, but having a family member voice their disappointment in you only adds to your emotional burden. When it's impossible to avoid this person completely, you're going to have to adjust the way you deal with their criticism.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Paul Jenkins explained on his YouTube channel, Live on Purpose TV, why some family members are overly critical. "Why would they do that? Probably because of the rush they get, the false sense of power that happens when they see you freak out," he extrapolated. "Or even if you're not freaking out. It's just that false sense of power or control they get when they do that."

Because you're not likely going to change that person, the first thing you have to do is practice not reacting to take back your power. Another helpful tip is to simply accept the family member's response, no matter what it is. It's harder than it sounds, but if they can't get under your skin, they might just get bored of criticizing you, which is a win-win.

Arguments between family members are pretty common, especially since everyone's views and beliefs differ. Although it can be quite unsettling, there are actually benefits to arguing with a significant other or other loved one, especially if it results in a clear resolution and mutual understanding. On the other hand, when one person refuses to admit to any wrongdoing, lingering resentment can fester, leaving both parties hurt and angry. Dealing with a relative who never apologizes is like talking to a brick wall, and you'll never walk away feeling satisfied or heard.

Understanding the psyche of the family member who believes they're always right may be the key to finally being able to distance yourself from them. Psychologist Dr. Tim Sharp told the New York Post that it largely has to do with their fragile ego. "I think the reason some can't apologize isn't actually because they don't like to be wrong, but because it's seen as an inherent character fault," he explained, adding, "The difficulty in admitting failure largely comes from the unrealistic expectation that 'I should get it right all the time.'" If your family member is also very emotional, presenting a logical viewpoint will be an impossible feat, so it's better to avoid arguments with this person at all costs.

A little friendly competition between family members is harmless, but dealing with a constant one-upper can be exhausting. When a relative finds out that you started running and proclaims that they just ran a marathon or is suddenly a master chef after you took cooking lessons, they're getting gratification from stealing your thunder. Instead of feeding into this behavior by trying to top them, registered and licensed social worker Morgan Powells advises using non-combative replies. "Even just saying something like, That's interesting, or Cool works — anything where you're not getting caught up in friction," she told Oprah Daily.

The one-upper may not even know that they're being annoying with their competitive nature. "Many people who like to 'story top' are not aware of what they are doing. They're simply enjoying sharing their story and feeling like they are one of the gang with a similar experience. These who are unaware are getting a good feeling, as if they are popular and well-liked," marriage and family therapist Amanda Deverich told HuffPost. Psychotherapist Jessica Baum thinks practicing empathy can get you through dealing with your relative, also telling HuffPost, "Remind yourself that the other person might have low self-esteem or that maybe they feel out of place and could be unaware of their behavior. Patience is really important here."

There's a reason some folks suggest never discussing politics and religion with your family, and it's because they're heated and sensitive topics. Even if people are raised in the same household, they can grow up with their own beliefs, and that's okay — until one of your loved ones pushes their viewpoints on you. If you're dealing with non-stop pressure from a family member, you should try to put a stop to it before you even see them. "Suggest a politics-free zone for the gathering," psychotherapist Bradford Stucki told TIME Magazine. And if the subject veers toward politics or religion, Stucki suggests firmly saying, "We're not talking about that here today."

If your relative insists on hounding you about their viewpoints, instead of getting frustrated, try asking them questions about why they lean that way. You don't have to agree with their answers, but maybe they'll feel heard and that will be enough to stop the pestering. And remember: If things get too intense, you can always walk away or even leave the event.