5 Ways To Disarm A Narcissist From Our Neuropsychologist

Sad as it is to admit, we've all encountered people with narcissistic tendencies. Maybe it's a co-worker who paints themselves as the linchpin of the whole team, a me-me-me sibling who only has time for their own over-dramatized problems, or a potential beau who's throwing out all the red flags of narcissism in dating. Dealing with these individuals can be beyond draining; it can be like surviving emotional and psychological warfare.

Of course, there are differences between being self-centered and being a genuine narcissist. True narcissism includes toxic behaviors like grandiose self-importance, a lack of empathy, and the willingness to use and manipulate those around them like expendable resources rather than people. When you spot these signs, the best approach is probably to run in the other direction.

Unfortunately, it's not always possible to avoid narcissists altogether. You might encounter this pot-stirring personality type at work, in your social circle, on dating apps, or even among family members. So how can you keep any nearby narcissists from causing drama in your life? To find out, Glam spoke exclusively with New York City-based neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez, director of Comprehend the Mind. Dr. Hafeez walked us through key strategies to sidestep a narcissist's manipulations and maintain a healthier dynamic.

Narcissists live for attention and often believe that they're better and smarter than everyone around them — dual traits that can lead them to gossiping, emotional blackmail, or outright manipulation. Whether you're in a romantic relationship or struggling to get along as coworkers, it's best to shut down a narcissist's machinations before they get out of the gate.

"When a narcissist is trying to engage with you in a way that feels draining or manipulative, respond with bland, uninteresting answers, or don't respond at all. Give short, non-engaging responses like, 'I see,' or, 'Okay, thanks for letting me know,'" Dr. Sanam Hafeez exclusively suggests to Glam. Her recommendation echoes facets of a classic narcissist-busting strategy called "gray rocking," which basically involves making yourself as blank and unresponsive as a rock.

As Dr. Hafeez continues, "This can be helpful because narcissists often thrive on drama, conflict, and attention. By offering little emotional engagement, you become 'boring' to them. This reduces their desire to provoke or manipulate you." It's a little like staying calm in the face of a toddler's tantrum. If you maintain your cool and refuse to escalate the situation, narcissists will eventually give up on their meddling and turn their wiles elsewhere.

Any conversation has the potential to drag on or turn frustrating, but trying to interact with narcissists can really take the cake. For instance, narcissists' love for theatrics and turmoil can quickly spiral into an overblown tirade or endless tooting of their own horn as they cast themselves as the hero in their latest social drama. Similarly, the unique traits of female narcissists might include playing the victim card whenever they can, trapping you in a whirlpool of woe-is-me small talk.

Whichever strategy they choose to make themselves the center of attention, it all adds up to one thing: Conversations with narcissists can feel repetitive, overblown, and pointless. So how do you break this pattern? "When a narcissist is dragging you into endless complaints, self-praise, or drama, steer the conversation back to practical solutions. For example, 'I hear you, but how do you suggest we move forward?' or 'What's the next step to resolve this?'" Dr. Sanam Hafeez exclusively tells Glam.

In the same way you might help someone break out of catastrophizing by presenting rational answers to their fears and anxieties, you can interrupt a narcissist's dramatic monologue by focusing on practical steps instead of the emotional weight around a situation. As Dr. Hafeez explains, "Narcissists love to focus on problems, often exaggerating or magnifying them. Focusing on a solution is helpful because it shifts the conversation into a more positive perspective."

Narcissists typically have an overly rosy sense of self, and their ego is probably through the roof. However, this doesn't mean that they're completely imagining their worth. Many narcissists can be skilled and valuable partners or teammates, so you may find yourself in a situation where a narcissist genuinely deserves your praise. Just be sure not to overdo it — as expert Dr. Sanam Hafeez exclusively warns Glam, "Narcissists need to feel superior, but over-flattering them can backfire."

Whether you're the manager, co-worker, or perhaps even the parent of a narcissist, Dr. Hafeez offers advice on providing positive reinforcement without feeding into harmful self-importance. "When engaging with a narcissist, acknowledge their competence or expertise in a neutral way that reinforces their need to feel superior without exaggerating. For example, 'You've obviously put a lot of work into this, and I respect that,' rather than excessive praise like 'You're the best at everything,'" says Dr. Hafeez. "Acknowledging their strengths in a balanced way allows them to feel validated without inflating their ego too much. This can help you maintain a neutral, calm interaction."

As with many egoists, narcissists don't handle criticism well. Even well-intended critiques may strike narcissists as threats to their superiority, unleashing a wave of aggressive push-back. To avoid this resistant response, Dr. Sanam Hafeez explains that it's important to reframe the problem and take a less head-on approach.

"Do not directly challenge a narcissist over an issue where they're likely to get defensive, as this can cause a huge fight," Dr. Hafeez exclusively advises Glam. "Instead, frame your concerns regarding 'what needs to happen' rather than 'what they've done wrong.' This can be helpful because you avoid triggering them by attacking their egos."

This technique also dovetails nicely with strategies to set and keep personal boundaries, which can be crucial to peacefully coexisting with narcissists. As Dr. Hafeez outlines, consider framing your needs or limits as goals for their future behavior rather than criticisms of their behavior so far. This gives narcissists an out to avoid hurt feelings and defensiveness. Of course, getting them to respect your requests is another matter — eventually, if they continue to willfully disregard your wishes and well-being, you may need to take more decisive steps, from cutting ties with a narcissistic parent to finally ending your romance with a narcissistic partner.

When proposing solutions or setting boundaries fails to yield results in a narcissist-driven conflict, it may be time to take a step back. This isn't just to help everyone cool off, either — putting some distance into your interactions with a narcissist can take the power out of their manipulations.

"Narcissists often thrive on attention and validation, and they may push for more interaction or control when they feel they're losing influence," Dr. Sanam Hafeez exclusively reveals to Glam. To counter this offensive, she suggests the following: "When you sense a narcissist becoming too demanding, controlling, or overwhelming, give them some space. Politely excuse yourself from the situation by saying something like, 'I think we both need some time to think this through.'"

Hitting pause can essentially cut through the momentum of an argument or outburst. As Dr. Hafeez adds, "By creating distance, you deprive them of their usual source of validation, which can make them feel less powerful." This is particularly effective if you literally remove yourself from the narcissist's orbit. "Physically stepping away helps reduce the emotional intensity of the moment, and giving them emotional space (by disengaging from the drama) forces them to recalibrate."

In short, dealing with narcissists can require a lot of patience, self-control, and emotional intelligence. Is it worth it? Can you ever really have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? We wouldn't count on it. If you're stuck with narcissists in your social sphere, it's probably better to maintain a healthy distance and use Dr. Hafeez's advice to disarm their tricks whenever you do have to interact.