The 'Snail Theory' Is Here To Change The Way You Look At Friendships

While the importance of romantic relationships has always been drummed into us, we as a society are increasingly becoming aware of just how important platonic friendships are. Often, platonic friendships make up a key portion of the wider network of support and connection that we all need to thrive, so it's worth investing in the ones you already have. And if, for example, you don't find yourself with many friends once your high school and college journeys are over, you can still create new and lasting friendships as an adult. The key to this intimidating prospect may just lie in a concept known as the "snail theory," which was initially conceived by Medium writer Rich Brown earlier this year but has since become a more widespread term.

"The snail trend is the latest friendship trend that's caught the internet's imagination, and it's actually pretty sweet," explains licensed psychologist Dr. Kate Balestrieri, a certified sex therapist who founded Modern Intimacy and hosts the "Get Naked with Dr. Kate" podcast. "In an exclusive conversation with Glam, the relationships guru explains that, for those who are familiar with the pace of the average snail, the notion is pretty self-explanatory. "When it comes to friendships (and maybe other relationships), we should take a slow, steady, and intentional approach — much like a snail," she says. "Rather than rushing to establish a deep connection right away, take your time and allow the relationship to unfold naturally."

Dr. Balestrieri reveals that this approach has a ton of benefits, including its ability to "build trust and intimacy in a way that's sustainable and pressure-free." By following the "snail theory," you shouldn't expect to be someone's BFF immediately. Instead, enjoy getting to know them and only fully open up when you're ready. All it requires is a little patience.

In order to practice patience while cultivating new friendships, you'll need to focus on each moment as it comes and embrace each step of the journey, rather than looking ahead to the time when you and your new buddy are joined at the hip. "The trick is to stay mindful of why you're slowing things down," Dr. Kate Balestrieri advises in our exclusive chat. "If you're genuinely interested in building a lasting relationship, let the slow pace be about enjoying each moment rather than avoiding emotional intimacy."

Dr. Balestrieri explains that a slow pace might involve only checking in with your friend "every so often" rather than every single day and really thinking carefully about where you both stand before you try to move closer together: "It's like a slow dance — you're taking your time, but you're still moving together, in sync." Since you aren't a mind reader, making sure you're both at a similar stage in your friendship will involve communicating your feelings about the friendship and where you would like your friendship to be moving toward.

The only thing to watch out for when you apply the "snail theory" is slipping into avoidant territory, where you perpetually delay opening up because you're afraid of being vulnerable — not because you want to take things slowly. Dr. Balestrieri warns that, at times, this approach can leave two would-be friends feeling like their bond never really takes off because they're in the early stages for so long that the moment passes without them. To avoid this, ensure that you're taking regular steps toward building your friendship, even if they're spaced out and gentle.

The thing we love most about the "snail theory" is that it can be used to cultivate lasting romantic relationships, too. In a romantic context, it's sometimes associated with being a so-called slow-burner, which is when you benefit from letting your feelings take their time to develop naturally. Dr. Kate Balestrieri shares that most of "the same principles apply" no matter what kind of relationship you're working on. These include enjoying every moment of each other's company without rushing into the future, not putting pressure on yourself or your love interest, and letting things unfold naturally.

"In romantic relationships, this approach can help avoid the pitfalls of love bombing or rushing into something intense before you're ready," Dr. Balestrieri tells Glam exclusively, adding that there are a few differences between the "snail theory" applied to a friendship and a relationship. In the latter, it's more important to communicate your intentions clearly, as moving slowly in a romantic relationship can often be confused for a lack of interest. "The 'snail theory' can be a great tool, but with romantic partners, it's wise to balance the slow-and-steady approach with open dialogue about where the relationship is headed," Dr. Balestrieri notes.

Now, for even more insights, read up on the signs you're being love bombed.