Silent Clues That Show Someone Is Attracted To You

We love a will-they, won't-they love story in a book or movie, but in real life, this uncertainty can be emotionally exhausting. Short of developing psychic powers, it can feel nearly impossible to tell for sure whether someone we like is into us — or, for that matter, if a completely platonic friend, acquaintance, or coworker is getting a little too attached. While asking them outright is certainly one option, it's not the most subtle or the least confrontational. So, how else might you glean someone's true feelings? The answer lies in their habits, body language, and physical responses.

When it comes to communicating attraction, 55% of that message gets sent through body language, with another 38% being conveyed via the tone and speed of our voices. That leaves only 7% of attraction to come through our actual words. In short, it's a lot more revealing to analyze how someone interacts with you rather than what they say out loud. This should include looking out for telltale signs of romantic or sexual interest, from prolonged eye contact and restless fidgeting to someone moving farther and farther into your physical orbit.

Have you noticed that a certain someone always has their eye on you? Even if they aren't outright staring, it may seem like you constantly catch them glancing in your direction or just looking away. In conversation, you may also be the recipient of their intent, devoted focus in the form of strong eye contact.

Eye contact is one of those intimate, vulnerable connections that puts some people at ease and sends others running for the hills. It's also a culturally specific social cue — where some cultures see direct eye contact as a sign of attention or trustworthiness, others regard too much eye time as aggressive or invasive. But in a Western context, eye contact can tell you a lot about a budding relationship or flirtation-ship, and if that oh-so-exposing moment feels comfortable and natural, you may be experiencing a mutual exchange of attraction.

The direction of someone's gaze might even indicate the nature of their underlying feelings — namely, whether they're showing real affection or a more physical form of desire. One 2014 study published in Psychological Science asked participants to evaluate photos of people based on their romantic or sexual appeal. When considering romance, subjects tended to focus their attention on the face, while thoughts of desire shifted their attention to the body. So, if you think someone might be into you, track the direction their eyes are pointing — it may help you guess whether that attraction has emotional underpinnings or is mostly lusty and physical.

They say that opposites attract, but when it comes to physically flirting and expressing interest, it seems that mimicry is the name of the game. Mirroring is one of the hallmark body language signs of attraction, whether it's copying someone's posture, picking up their gestures, or echoing their actions — for example, immediately sipping a drink after they sipped theirs.

As one 1999 study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology defined mirroring, also referred to as "the chameleon effect," it's a "nonconscious mimicry of the postures, mannerisms, facial expressions, and other behaviors" that "facilitates the smoothness of interactions and increases liking between interaction partners." And the more someone mimics you, the more attached or empathetic they may be feeling.

While this could, theoretically, reflect a strong friendship, a 2016 study in the journal Cognition found that people tend to mirror romantic partners more strongly than platonic relations, even very close friends. If you're unsure what constitutes a stronger level of mirroring from your could-be admirer, try watching them interact with other people. Do they seem to be mirroring their besties in a similar way, or is it obviously more pronounced with you? If you notice a marked difference, it could be a sign that their view of your connection has moved beyond the platonic realm and into something deeper.

It can be a little nerve-wracking to interact with your crush, and the same can probably be said for anyone who's crushing on you. So, it's no wonder that fidgeting and self-conscious grooming can be signs of potential attraction. Look for little tics like your crush fixing their hair, adjusting their clothes, running their tongue over their teeth, tinkering with jewelry, or even reapplying products like chapstick.

As noted by a 2018 review in Psychological Bulletin, innocent self-touch is a widely accepted gesture of interest. "Researchers tend to agree on a small number of behaviors, including self-touch ... as associated with attraction," the authors wrote, adding that "lip biting, lip licking, and lip touching" may all be linked to sexual desire.

Of course, it's important to distinguish between nervous, engaged fidgeting and bored, disengaged fidgeting. Rather than emoting self-conscious attraction, little movements like adjusting their watch, repeatedly getting on their phone, or messing with nearby knickknacks might instead indicate that the person is disinterested in the conversation or in a hurry to be somewhere else. In this case, maybe don't assume that they're a secret admirer — and certainly don't call them out or make your own move until you've gathered other, more conclusive evidence.

Verbally asking someone out or requesting their phone number is a time-honored way to express interest (and maybe take things to the next level). However, it's not the only way a person's voice can reveal their feelings. It turns out that, even without words, the tone and register someone uses can indicate unspoken attraction. A 2018 study published in Proceedings of the Royal Society revealed that both men and women tend to modulate their tone when speaking to a potential mate. Spotting this is relatively straightforward in men, who typically lower the pitch of their voice when feeling attraction. So, if a man seems to have a particularly deep voice when chatting with you, take note.

Among women, though, voice modulation can go in one of two directions. The study's female participants lowered their vocal pitch when addressing someone perceived as generally attractive but actually raised their pitch when talking with someone they were uniquely, individually attracted to. Researchers hypothesized that women might be subconsciously trying to appear youthful and "feminine" toward people they liked — i.e., potential long-term mates — versus projecting "intimacy" and sexuality toward someone physically desirable. So, to spot this attraction signal, try comparing the tone they use with you against the baseline voice they use with other people. Anything significantly higher or lower could suggest a form of attraction.

We've all known a few people who don't seem to have a personal space bubble, but if someone you know only seems to get that close to you, it could be a sign of hidden attraction. For example, they might stand nearer to you than to other people, give you a friendly hug instead of a handshake, or tend to lean in attentively when you're speaking. Romantic interest may also manifest in small, unobtrusive touching, such as brushing hands when exchanging an item or nudging shoulders when you walk together. "Physical contact, like a light touch on the arm or shoulder, can suggest a desire for closeness," psychotherapist Kristie Tse told VeryWell Mind.

These small, flirtatious gestures may not even be intentional. However, if that physicality makes you uncomfortable, you may need to set a few boundaries. There are plenty of personal and scientific reasons you may not like to be hugged, especially if you don't return someone's interest, and any more invasive touching is obviously a red flag. Consent isn't just sexy; it's mandatory. And no one has the right to infringe on your space and autonomy.