Red Flags In Nicole Kidman And Keith Urban's Relationship

Ever since "Practical Magic" star Nicole Kidman and country singer Keith Urban entered each others' lives in the mid-2000s, fans have been eager to know more about the couple's life together. Almost two decades later, Kidman and Urban are still married, and to most, they seem to have cracked the code to a long-lasting and loving relationship.

However, we know that no matter how great a relationship might seem, it's never perfect. Speaking exclusively to Glam, celebrity love and relationship coach Nicole Moore, who is also the founder and CEO of Love Works Method, and matchmaker Susan Trombetti, who is also the CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, shared their thoughts on what some red flags in the couple's relationship might be. From troubles Kidman and Urban faced early on due to addiction to the struggles they might be facing today thanks to their careers and children, Moore and Trombetti shed some light on things that could be total red flags in the couple's seemingly perfect relationship.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban began dating in 2005, and at the time, it seemed as if Urban was very insecure about the relationship. In fact, he admitted just how nervous he was to call Kidman after they met. "I was trying to play it cool, but inside I felt like I'd snuck into the royal ball simply because Nic had such a truly otherworldly aura about her," he said while speaking at the 49th AFI Life Achievement Award Gala (via People).

According to Nicole Moore, the fact that Urban lacked confidence at the time could be a red flag. "Keith Urban has been open about the fact that when he first heard Nicole might be interested in him, his first reaction was to wonder what she could possibly see in him, and this is a huge red flag," Moore told Glam exclusively. "Couples tend to do better and have a more balanced power dynamic when both partners have [a] healthy self-esteem, so the fact that he came into the relationship insecure may indicate a power imbalance within the couple." 

In the long run, an uneven power dynamic almost always causes problems, especially if it isn't addressed or worked on. "When one partner is more insecure than the other, it can lead to emotional strain within the partnership," Moore adds. Of course, just because there was a power imbalance at the beginning of their relationship doesn't mean that there still is one, and hopefully the couple's been able to work on this aspect of their partnership.

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban both had thriving careers even before they met, and in the world of the rich and famous, being a successful actor or musician often means traveling a lot — and rarely spending enough time at home together. Since the two also work in different fields within the entertainment industry, there's no doubt that their schedules often conflict, and they end up having professional commitments in completely different locations. In the long run, having a long-distance relationship for such an extensive amount of time can create problems.

"The long-distance that their careers create can't be easy," Susan Trombetti tells us exclusively. "According to them, they do their best to be together and travel with each other or schedule long calls, but being apart has always been a problem in relationships with A-listers. Their careers take them away too much." Even though long-distance periods don't have to cause trouble in a relationship, they do require putting in some extra work to ensure your partner is heard and feels loved. After all, there are numerous ways to be there for a partner no matter how many miles separate you, but if Kidman and Urban aren't taking those extra long-distance steps, the miles between them could result in a major red flag.

During an interview on "The Ellen Degeneres Show" in 2016, Keith Urban revealed that his life didn't really start until he met Nicole Kidman. "Someone asked me if it was life changing meeting her," Urban said (via the Daily Mail). "And I said, I think it was more like it was like beginning for me."

While this might seem like a romantic thing to say publicly, this could actually be a major red flag, according to Susan Trombetti. "Keith feels his life didn't begin until Nicole, and that sounds a little dependent on Nicole," Trombetti exclusively explains to Glam. "It's got to be the biggest red flag." While it seems romantic at first, Trombetti adds that if he meant what he said, there could be codependency in their relationship. "I don't really like this statement he made because it means perhaps there is some codependence going on," she tells us. "While I understand what he means, I just wish he acknowledged that he wasn't floating aimlessly, while he has support and love from her, he conquered his own demons and had a great career."

Curbing codependency in a relationship is difficult, but it's not impossible. In fact, identifying codependency in any relationship is the first step toward ensuring it doesn't negatively affect anyone or the partnership.

Even though many consider Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban to be a perfect couple, the "Moulin Rouge!" actor admitted that this couldn't be further from the truth. When asked by E! News in 2024 whether she believes in perfect couples, Kidman responded with, "There's no perfect anything." Naturally, we can't help but think that this is another red flag.

Of course, Kidman has a point, but it makes us wonder whether her relationship with Urban isn't as peachy as it's often portrayed to be when they adorably walk every red carpet together with big grins. In the interview, Kidman was asked what she had to say about her and Urban being described as a perfect couple, to which she only said, "I don't see any of that." This is quite a bit of a contrast to what we're used to hearing from celebrities when they're asked about their relationships, which they frequently describe as being perfectly dreamy.

At the beginning of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's relationship, the musician wasn't in a good place. "I went off the rails," Urban told The New Zealand Herald in 2022. "I hadn't conceded to myself that I needed help and a new direction in my life." Once Kidman found out that Urban wasn't doing well, she intervened and tried to help. The Hollywood star reached out to his family and friends, ensuring that Urban heard what everyone had to say. "The love in that room in that moment was just right," Urban admitted. "To see love in action in that way ... I'd never experienced anything like that before."

And while this intervention has become public knowledge, our expert explains that having to deal with such a big problem early on in their relationship could have left its mark on it. "One of the biggest red flags in Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban's relationship is that Keith checked into rehab mere months after they married," Nicole Moore explains exclusively to Glam. "Given the timing of the intervention, it's likely that Nicole was already aware of Keith's substance abuse issues but married him anyway, which could indicate codependency or a habit of sweeping things under the rug." 

Regardless of the relationship, many professionals recommend couples counseling even if a relationship is seemingly healthy, and with one that started in such a difficult place, there's no denying that counseling could prove beneficial. And if Kidman and Urban have already done it, that could actually be a big green flag in their relationship. However, if they haven't reached out to a professional despite everything they've dealt with, any potential codependency shared between them could continue.

It's no secret that those who suffer from addiction tend to lead a lifelong battle with it. And while it's possible that someone who has suffered from substance abuse in the past never goes through a bout of it again, they — and those around them — often live with a fear of a potential relapse. "While Keith did get sober, it's often challenging to be in a relationship with an addict as the partner may always worry about their partner relapsing," Nicole Moore tells us exclusively.

Moore adds that the fact that the two tied the knot only a couple of months after meeting each other could also be a red flag "potentially indicating that [Kidman] rushed into marriage without fully considering how hard being with an addict might be." Even though the two have been married for almost two decades, life with a former addict can be unpredictable. Knowing how to treat a recovering addict is crucial not only for their success in staying sober but also for the relationship you have with them.

In 2018, Nicole Kidman admitted that it's difficult for Keith Urban to watch some of her on-screen work. "He did have a hard time when he watched The Killing of a Sacred Deer," the actor told W Magazine. "And when he watched Big Little Lies he was disturbed; he says that when he hears me scream or cry from a certain place in my soul it's almost like it goes straight into him and he has a visceral reaction immediately." Even though this might not seem like a big deal, it could actually be a huge deal.

We understand that it takes some time to get used to the fact that your partner is an actor, but after being married for years, we'd think that seeing his wife act wouldn't be that difficult for Urban. Nicole Moore explains exclusively to Glam that this could be a sign of not respecting emotional boundaries. "While it's great to be emotionally attuned to your partner, if you start to feel overwhelmed emotionally by what they are feeling, it could be a sign of emotional enmeshment and lack of emotional boundaries," she tells us. "It's possible that Keith may feel overwhelmed by Nicole's intensity at times or he may feel unable to manage his own emotions due to being enmeshed with hers." 

Moore adds that in order for a couple to succeed long-term, there needs to be some differentiation when it comes to emotions. "Couples are healthiest when they care deeply about the other person while still being able to differentiate between the other person's emotions and their own," she adds. A strong emotional connection is fundamental for a healthy relationship, but emotional enmeshment is certainly not.

Children can affect any relationship and Nicole Kidman has four: Isabella and Connor, whom she adopted with ex-husband and fellow actor Tom Cruise, and two biological daughters with Keith Urban named Sunday Rose and Faith Margaret. Of course, raising teenagers can be a hard job, and it can definitely put a strain on their parents' relationship, especially if they disagree on parenting methods.

We know that teens have a way of pushing boundaries and stressing parents out," Susan Trombetti explains exclusively to Glam. "It can be a difficult time in a relationship, dealing with different parenting styles and just the strife that comes along with it." And with Sunday kicking off her career in the modeling industry in October 2024, her parents could easily be under even more stress while trying to help their daughter make all the right decisions. Of course, parental guilt, which most parents experience at one point or another, is known to put a strain on partners, which is why communication has to be a priority for Kidman and Urban as they continue their parenting journey together. 

Can you imagine having a partner with whom you're often forced to have a long-distance relationship and never texting them? Well, neither can we. However, in a 2023 interview on the "Something to Talk About" podcast, Kidman revealed that she and her husband don't text. "We never text each other. Can you believe that? We started out that way — I was like, 'If you want to get a hold of me, call me,'" she said.

At first, this might seem like a cute idea, but what happens when you know you're supposed to call your partner but want to say something quick to them? Imagine being in a meeting and wanting to send a cute little message to your spouse, but you feel like you're not allowed to. Now, we don't know about you, but this agreement doesn't really seem like a green flag to us, even if it isn't a super hard-and-fast rule. In fact, a relationship expert previously explained to us how texting can help create a closer bond with a partner. 

Having a romantic relationship in the public eye comes with plenty of scrutiny, which can definitely take a toll on partners. And at the beginning of their relationship, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban had to deal with plenty of public opinions. "Physically they have always made a slightly odd couple, she the graceful, elegant Hollywood star and he the shorter, scruffy, tattooed Urban cowboy [with a] history of addiction," the Daily Express wrote about the couple in its infancy (via The New Zealand Herald), and this is just one example of the comments made about them at the time.

Any relationship that has to deal with everyone dissecting it and commenting on it has a harder chance of surviving. The fact that Kidman was always considered the more successful one and the catch in the relationship certainly had to leave a mark on Urban, and it could have resulted in some resentment from his side.

Neither Nicole Kidman nor Keith Urban shares romantic advice with their fans. When Urban was asked by E! News in 2024 about the key to a successful marriage, Urban didn't really share an answer. "I have no advice for anybody," he told the outlet. "You guys figure out whatever works for you. We're figuring it out. You figure it out. Everybody's different."

Even though this may come across as Urban simply not feeling like sharing any advice, Nicole Moore tells us that this kind of behavior from Kidman and Urban could indicate a potential red flag. "They both shy away from giving relationship advice any time they are asked to in interviews," she explains exclusively to Glam. "Both partners have said that they do not have a perfect partnership and they thus have no advice to give which could indicate humility, however, it could also indicate that there are more issues beneath the surface than they have revealed."

Moore explains that this isn't really typical couple behavior, especially for one who's been married for so long. "Many happy couples are often eager to give relationship advice and give away their tips as they truly feel they have found the secrets to a happy marriage, so the fact that Nicole and Keith have no tips to give could be a red flag," she adds. Of course, the fact that the two refuse to give advice or share much about their marriage could also be attributed to them, in general, being a rather private couple that only occasionally gives us glimpses into their marriage.

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction issues, help is available. Visit the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration website or contact SAMHSA's National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).