Characteristics Of A Female Narcissist You Should Watch Out For

Narcissism is a hot topic in pop psychology and a fascinating character model for pop culture. Iconic characters like Patrick Bateman from "American Psycho" or Gilderoy Lockhart from the "Harry Potter" series stand out as obvious examples of this personality type. However, men don't have the monopoly on narcissistic disorders, in real life or in fiction (Miranda Priestly, anyone?). So, why aren't we talking more about female narcissists?

Because many narcissistic behaviors tend to line up with so-called "masculine" qualities — making us envision someone arrogant, domineering, and strong-willed — female narcissists can be overlooked or even misdiagnosed with conditions like borderline personality disorder (via The Conversation). But this doesn't mean that there are no female narcissists. Rather, they tend to display a more vulnerable and subtler take on this disorder, emphasizing traits like vanity and passive-aggressiveness over the traditional idea of male narcissism.

So, how can you recognize a female narcissist hiding in your midst? Context is key. We all have our self-indulgent moments, and it's not a bad thing to sometimes put your own needs first. But navigating a relationship with a true narcissist is another thing altogether. Narcissists will display a consistent pattern of selfish, inconsiderate behaviors that can be damaging to the people around them. To spot the difference, you'll need more evidence than just an inflated ego — keep an eye out for other tell-tale signs of female narcissism like manipulation, entitlement, and sly bullying.

Like many male narcissists, women with narcissistic tendencies have an ego like you wouldn't believe. In their own minds, they have all the answers, their ideas are untouchable, and everybody wants to be like them or near them. We're not talking about a woman with strong confidence or leadership qualities — this isn't an attack on genuine empowerment. Instead, female narcissists are so assured of their self-importance that they think they're always right and stand a thoroughly superior head above the rest, leaving no room for compromise, humility, or self-correction.

This inflated self-image often goes hand-in-hand with an obsession with social status and how they are perceived. For example, female narcissists can be excessively active on social media, if not addicted outright. A 2017 study in Addictive Behaviors examined the link between narcissism and social media use, and its findings "supported the notion of addictive social media use reflecting a need to feed the ego." Furthermore, it found that the relevant women — i.e., female narcissists — may be more likely to fixate on the interactive side of ego-boosting activities, like the feedback loop of social media.

As unpleasant as it can be already, a narcissist's grandiose sense of self doesn't just contribute to arrogance — often, female narcissists also become self-absorbed and expect to be fawned upon with all the very best perks and benefits. A 2008 study in The American Journal of Psychiatry explored hallmark traits of narcissism to get a clearer view of these personality types. Notably, said traits included a feeling of entitlement, expectation of special treatment, and wanting to be the "center of attention." It's like putting the very worst spin on main-character energy.

This ingrained vanity can even influence how female narcissists present themselves. As a 2008 article in the Journal of Research in Personality discussed, narcissists have a tendency towards wearing "expensive, flashy clothing" and being preoccupied with their looks, which "serves as a vehicle with which to promote their status." On its own, vanity isn't a smoking gun — there are certainly differences between being self-centered and being a narcissist. But in combination with entitlement and an always-right mentality, such shallowness may point toward sinister levels of self-obsession.

When trying to spot a narcissist, disproportionate anger can be a major red flag. With so much of their personality and self-worth tied up in the illusory idea of their own perfection, true narcissists don't take well to being questioned or corrected. After all, who are you to say that they're wrong? Female narcissists can also be incredibly petty, as the size of the conflict makes no difference to their response. As explained by Psychology Today, narcissists take a scorched-earth approach to handling conflict — once they're engaged in a dispute, it's all-out warfare.

Similarly, female narcissism can manifest in classic "mean girl" behaviors as they try to defend their dominant place in a social hierarchy. Whether obvious or covert, they may use bullying tactics to diminish friends, coworkers, and even family members. On Thought Catalog, narcissism and psychopathy researcher Shahida Arabi identifies some of these hurtful micro-habits, revealing that female narcissists may start rumors, talk over perceived rivals in social settings, intentionally share unflattering posts or photos to embarrass someone, pry into others' personal affairs, and even flirt with another person's partner — all in a constant, indiscriminate game of one-upmanship.

Chances are good that you know a few narcissists already, as data suggests that up to 5% of the U.S. population has this disorder (via Cleveland Clinic). In other words, you'll probably have to deal with narcissists up close and personal at some point. It begs the question: Whether the connection is platonic or romantic, can you ever have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?

Unlikely. Because they are self-absorbed and often self-righteous, many narcissists struggle to understand and empathize with other people. As a 2018 study in Psychiatry Research discovered, males, in particular, lack empathy — even with relatively low levels of narcissism. But don't count female narcissists out. The study also found that in more moderate to severe cases, female narcissists can similarly suffer from this connection-killing trait. And without empathy, there can be no healthy relationship.

Good luck pointing this out to a female narcissist, though. Not only will their defensive response to criticism likely get in the way, but a 2014 study in Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment ironically notes that "narcissistic individuals tend to overestimate their capacity for affective empathy." In other words, narcissists may not realize that their empathy is impaired, and could even consider themselves quite caring and lenient individuals — yet another feather in the cap of their distorted self-opinion.

A lot of us do a little minor manipulating, whether it's telling our boss a white lie about why we're running late or putting on a pout to get a loved one to do us a favor. However, narcissists take manipulation to a whole different level. With their empathy hobbled, narcissists don't feel guilty about twisting situations to get what they want.

With female narcissists, this may appear in slightly different ways from their male counterparts. As discussed in a 2022 review in Psychological Reports, female narcissists may be more likely to act victimized, leverage their status as mothers, and exploit other social benefits. This can make a female narcissist appear deceivingly weak or vulnerable, even though she is consistently cutthroat in prioritizing her own needs.

Other female narcissists may also rely on their sex appeal to manipulate others. A 2015 study in Personality and Individual Differences found that, compared to male narcissists, "narcissistic females were just as likely to engage in serious and aggressive sexually coercive behavior," but with an approach that was more "socially toxic" and maladaptive. More specifically, female narcissists already prone to entitlement and exploitation were likely to use sexual coercion as a tool in their manipulative arsenal. So if you suspect someone you know of being a true narcissist, proceed with caution — they may experiment with ways to manipulate you, from batting their lashes to tugging on your heartstrings.