5 Outdated Relationship Habits That Deserve A Comeback

A lot of old-school dating standards have worn out their welcome. Books once counseled young singles to eschew tight dresses; avoid being too funny, pushy, or sentimental; and — no joke — prioritize frilly pink underwear. "Every woman should wear the best quality underwear that she can afford ... and the color should be preferably pink. And lace and ruffles ... add to the attractiveness of underwear, and are liked by the average man," William J. Robinson wrote in his 1927 book, "Woman, Her Sex and Love Life."

But these days, a lot of things have changed. Women don't have to wait for someone else to ask them out, most singles don't show up to their date with a chaperone in tow, and everyone can wear whatever underwear they like. Good riddance to these old social mores — certain rules for romance simply don't make sense in today's society.

However, not all old-fashioned relationship habits have proven obsolete. On the contrary, there are certain outdated practices that more than deserve to stage a comeback with modern daters. From going on actual dates — shocking! — to tucking devices away to share real quality time, experts suggest that our relationships could benefit from a few classic practices.

It's one thing to propose a casual hangout with friends, but ambiguity has infiltrated the dating scene to an upsetting degree. Without clear cues, it's all too easy to fall into a situationship, a friends-with-benefits scenario, or even an inequitable back-burner relationship. And even if you do manage to define your partnership, your actual dating experience may lack that sense of extra effort. That's why many relationship experts are now advocating for a return to clarity and planning in the dating process.

"Have a genuine game plan in advance and let them know you've thought things through," matchmaker Jenny Apple told HuffPost. "Being a gentleman ― or woman― is making sure you treat everyone around you with care and consideration, and especially your date." As such, committing to a proper date rather than an ill-defined hangout shows your interest and could create a good impression with your potential partner.

There's also an important vulnerability to labeling something a "date." The casual nature of a hangout makes the experience easier to brush off if things don't pan out. A planned date involves risk — the risk of putting yourself out there, testing the waters, and letting things get a little awkward. Why is this a good thing? Well, it lets you test whether it's safe to be open with a partner, plus helps keep you from sliding into a too-easy cycle of comfortable, low-stakes hookups.

At this point, we've heard that smartphone usage is tied to everything from shortened attention spans to under-eye wrinkles, but it seems that our society-wide screen addiction could also have some dire implications for dating and marriage. For years, researchers have been sending up alarms that too much screen time could interfere with the harmony of romantic relationships. For instance, a 2016 study published in Computers in Human Behavior found that getting distracted by cell phone usage had "a negative impact on relationship satisfaction," and even suggested that it might be a contributing factor to the big-picture divorce rate, stating that "the institution of marriage (and romantic relationships in general) is under attack."

We know it can be difficult to unplug, especially with so many devices now portable enough to carry around everywhere, but you don't have to wait for physical signs that you're getting too much screen time. For the sake of your relationship, try taking a proactive approach to spending a few screen-free hours together. This could be as simple as chatting over a phone-less dinner each night or as dedicated as booking a device-free weekend retreat. Just remember that the more often you can practice putting your screens away, the more quality time you'll recover to spend with your partner.

There's no denying that we live in an age of social media and constant interconnectivity. We share everything online, from our pets and lunch orders to our deepest insecurities, but this may also be fostering a culture of oversharing. As experts reveal, posting about your relationship is one misstep that can quickly cause drama, especially if you didn't get the go-ahead from your partner. "Sharing any personal details without their permission may cause your partner to feel insecure, exposed, violated or even angry," psychologist Don Grant, PhD, told Reader's Digest.

Furthermore, there are certain things that should always be kept off TikTok and Instagram for the good of your relationship. As much as you may want to crowdsource solutions to your personal drama or vent in the relative anonymity of Reddit, you run the risk of seriously hurting or offending your partner by airing all that dirty laundry online. As Dr. Grant urges, "Never use social media as a platform to publicly argue, criticize, or fight with your partner. ... Resolve it offline between yourselves, not in front of the world."

For those of us with phone anxiety, the idea of cultivating a phone-call habit probably sounds more like a punishment than a cute relationship booster. However, research suggests that opting for a voice chat may help you communicate your emotions more clearly. A 2017 study published in American Psychologist found that "voice-only communication is particularly likely to enhance empathic accuracy." In other words, focusing solely on your partner's vocal inflection can help you better understand their real feelings and meaning — perhaps even more than a video call or in-person chat, and definitely more than a text message.

How crucial is this? Let's put it this way: Researchers say that poor communication is the reason most relationships fail. And with clear communication so pivotal to a healthy romance, using phone calls to gain insight into each other's emotions seems like a pretty clear win. Of course, this may take some getting used to. If you're concerned about catching your partner by surprise, follow modern phone etiquette and send a heads-up text to warn them about the impending call or ask if they're free for a quick convo.

When it comes to physical intimacy, people have different ideas and personal timelines. Where one person might see sexuality as part of the get-to-know-you phase, another might prefer to wait until things get more serious. Either way, there's no need to hold yourself to an external standard, and it's always helpful to ensure you're both completely comfortable.

A 2012 study in The Journal of Sex Research looked at the timelines of couples' first sexual encounters and how they correlated with relationship longevity. Results suggested that "waiting to initiate sexual intimacy ... was generally associated with positive outcomes," with "early sexual initiation" showing a much lower rate of relationships that passed the two-year mark. In short, couples who took things slowly tended to last longer. The Institute for Family Studies also pointed out that having sex early may create a false or exaggerated sense of connection, leading you to waste time in a relationship that's not actually a good fit.

However, there's also no need to feel shame for having sex early — everything comes down to being comfortable. "The idea that you have to wait a specific number of dates before engaging in intercourse is socially approved manipulation," clinical sexologist Caitlin V., MPH, told Healthline, later adding, "The only way to know if it's the right time to sleep with a person is to ask yourself three questions." What do these questions entail? According to Caitlin, you should consider things like how much you really want the intimate moment and if you genuinely think you and the other person can uphold both parties' boundaries. If you and your partner can agree on these more serious aspects of intercourse, you may be ready to take things to the next level.