Why You Shouldn't Date Someone Who Doesn't Have Close Friends

Modern dating can be a lot to navigate. On top of basic concerns like chemistry, attraction, and shared values, there are a lot of potential warning signs to look out for. These include partners who need constant validation, have zero personal hobbies, or regularly want to go through your phone, which are all huge red flags to address in a new relationship. And sometimes, the biggest warning signs actually have to do with the other connections in a potential partner's life — namely, whether or not they have close friends.

Friendships are a critical, not to mention revealing, aspect of our well-being. In fact, not having a best friend can even have mental-health implications. So, encountering someone with zero close mates, especially someone who's in consideration to be your next S.O., should prompt caution and a little further investigation.

To better understand why absent friend circles are so telling, Glam spoke exclusively to the CEO of Holistic Wisdom, psychotherapist Lisa Lawless, PhD. Dr. Lawless agrees that while "not necessarily a deal-breaker," a lack of friendships is "something worth paying attention to." More specifically, she reveals that a friendless dating partner may bode ill for qualities like intimacy and healthy boundaries in your budding relationship.

At first glance, dating someone without a lot of best pals may not seem like a big deal, but that dearth of friends may be because your partner-to-be hasn't allowed anyone to get close to them. "A lack of close friends can sometimes indicate deeper issues, like an unwillingness or inability to be vulnerable," Dr. Lisa Lawless exclusively reveals to Glam. "If someone doesn't have those close connections, it might suggest they've struggled with intimacy or trust in the past."

If they've been without reliable friendships for a long time, it may also have stunted their interpersonal growth. "Friendships help us develop essential emotional skills like empathy, communication, and conflict resolution — things that are crucial in any romantic relationship," Dr. Lawless explains. She adds that friendships also teach us how to build trust, resolve conflicts, and navigate emotional ups and downs, warning us, "Without those experiences, a person might struggle in a romantic relationship when it comes to handling emotional closeness or difficult conversations." In other words, taking on a partner without friends may also mean taking on a partner whose emotional maturity leaves something to be desired.

It can be wonderful to feel loved and needed in a partnership, especially one that's still flush with dreamy, bubbly new relationship energy. However, there's a fine line between the punchy love of the honeymoon phase and a slide into codependency. Getting too attached too quickly is a particularly relevant concern when dating someone with no other friends to occupy their attention. As Dr. Lisa Lawless exclusively cautions Glam, "If they don't have anyone else to lean on, they may rely heavily on their partner to meet all of their emotional needs, which can lead to an unbalanced and unhealthy dynamic."

Once such a pattern is already established, it can be hard to curb codependency in your relationship. Not only will you have to prioritize yourself and maintain firm boundaries, but your partner will also need to do some soul-searching of their own, which is ultimately outside of your immediate control.

Where possible, it's better to sidestep this issue from the start by recognizing and heeding red flags like their small social circle — or at least establishing healthy relationship patterns from the get-go. "If you're starting to fall for someone who doesn't have close friends, you don't need to avoid them," says Dr. Lawless, "but taking things slowly and being mindful can be really helpful."

Realizing that your date has no besties can feel ominous, but as Dr. Lisa Lawless says, it's not always a "deal-breaker." If you really like someone, try probing further into the situation. "Ask how they feel about their social life and why they don't have any close connections," Dr. Lawless exclusively recommends to Glam. "Do they seem thoughtful and self-aware in their answers, or do they get defensive? That can tell you a lot about where they're at emotionally."

There may also be extenuating circumstances to bear in mind. Does your love interest really lack dear friendships, or are they just on the back burner right now? Your partner may even have long-distance BFFs who play a smaller role in their current lifestyle. "Consider the context. Some people may be going through transitional phases in life, like moving or career changes, which can temporarily affect their friendships. It's all about digging a little deeper to understand the why," says Dr. Lawless.

Overall, the most important factor is how a partner's seeming (or genuine) lack of friendships translates into your relationship dynamic. "Pay attention to how they connect with you, too," Dr. Lawless urges. "Are they open in their communication? Can they be vulnerable and share their feelings? That's a great sign. But if you notice you're taking on most of the emotional work in the relationship, it's essential to address that early on."

As with any dating rule, there are exceptions. Even if you're interested in someone who has no close friends, your situation may fall outside the norm. If you think your buddy-less partner is worth taking a risk for, Dr. Lisa Lawless suggests evaluating them for any green flags that offset their absence of significant friendships. "There are definitely positive signs to look for," she exclusively tells Glam. "First, emotional independence is key. If the person is self-aware, can regulate their emotions, and has a strong sense of self, that's a great indicator that they're emotionally healthy."

And while friendships are vital, they aren't the only form of support system out there. "Look for whether they have other forms of support, like family or hobbies, and how they interact with the people around them," says Dr. Lawless. "Are they kind, empathetic, and respectful? These traits show that they have the capacity to form meaningful relationships, even if their current friend circle is limited."

With the natural course of life sometimes disrupting long-time friendships, it's also important to distinguish between someone who lacks close relationships right now and someone who is chronically allergic to lasting connections. For instance, are they trying to make new friends, or is it not something they place value on? As Dr. Lawless explains, "If they express a willingness or desire to make new connections, that's a really good sign that they're open to growth."