Signs The Person You're Dating Is Talking To Other People

There's no sugar-coating it: The modern dating world is scary. Between strange dating trends that you don't understand and coming to terms with the reality that you'll probably need to use dating apps to find the one, looking for love these days is not for the faint-hearted. One of the biggest stressors that modern daters have to deal with, regardless of what stage of the dating process you're in, is technology making it easier than ever to communicate with several people at once — and to do it in secret. Once upon a time, it was easier to tell if your love interest was still playing the field, since their only options were to date other people in public or maybe have a few long and suspicious phone conversations. Now, the person you're dating could be inappropriately emailing a colleague, sliding into someone's inbox, texting their ex, and still running their dating profiles — right under your nose. 

Luckily, we sought the advice of Jaime Bronstein, licensed relationship therapist and author of "MAN*ifesting," who exclusively shared some tips to help you figure out when you aren't the only apple of their eye. These signs can point to a significant other cheating if the relationship has progressed to that level, but they can also help you to figure out if the person you've just started dating is still talking to other people behind your back. Whether or not that's a relationship dealbreaker depends on the boundaries you've discussed and your personal feelings about the issue. Some of the hints are fairly obvious — like your new honey being weird with their phone. Other times, you'll have to learn to listen to your gut. 

Perhaps the biggest sign that the person you're dating is also keeping a few side chats going is their reluctance to commit to you. This is common sense, since if they're still entertaining other options, they're obviously not ready to settle down with you. According to Jaime Bronstein, if the person you're dating "gets uncomfortable when talking about future plans together," it could point to the fact that they're still emotionally invested elsewhere.

Of course, that's not to say that reluctance to move too quickly in your relationship always means they're talking to someone else. This applies when the relationship is naturally progressing to the next level, and they want all the benefits of being closer to you without making any commitments. In our exclusive conversation, Bronstein reveals that if they "won't introduce you as their significant other" once the relationship has reached that level, it's a red flag. Talking to other people and not putting all their eggs in one basket is possibly why they're hesitant to put a label on it.

Technology can cause a lot of problems between two people in a relationship, but it can also help you to uncover truths that you might have missed without it. Jaime Bronstein tells Glam exclusively that paying attention to the way the person you're dating uses their phone can help you figure out what's really going on (note that it's still not cool to actually read through someone else's messages). "When your significant other uses the phone, they might tilt it so you can't see the screen," she says, adding that it's also not a great sign if they get a second phone. 

Again, this tip should be applied in context. If you've just started dating someone, they're not obligated to reveal every detail of their lives to you. Tilting their phone away from you could also mean that they're not ready to share things with you about other areas of their life, or they could even be planning a cute surprise for you. So these signs should always be viewed as small pieces of a larger puzzle. If there are no other red flags, it's fairly early in the relationship, and they have a demanding job that calls for a second phone, this might not be anything to worry about. But if you've caught them in several lies and they're secretly texting at odd hours while obviously trying to keep it hidden from you, it may be worth exploring more. 

Generally speaking, it's never a good sign when the person you're dating bails on you. There might be a perfectly innocent explanation for canceling once or twice, but if they always leave you high and dry at the last minute, there's likely a pressing reason why. In our exclusive conversation, Jaime Bronstein explains that your love interest always canceling plans is, unfortunately, an indication that they've got other people on their rotation. It may also mean that you're not even the top priority in their list of options, since they're repeatedly choosing something (or someone) else over you when the opportunity arises.

Regardless of if they do have other people that they're talking to or there's some other reason for their flakiness, no one deserves to be canceled on over and over again. This is a huge red flag in any new relationship because your time matters, and you deserve to be a priority. Even if it turns out that they're bailing because of something else, it's their problem — not yours. 

When you really care about someone new, they're likely to be on your mind at the end of the day (literally). There's a reason good night texts are a thing! You might not text or call the person you're dating every night, but generally, if you are interested in progressing with the relationship, you'll often be connecting in some way before bed. That's why Jaime Bronstein shares exclusively with Glam that the absence of this late-night communication could be a sign that they're talking to other people. 

"If you're not living together, you might not get a 'good night' text or call," she says. If you are living with them, Bronstein notes that they might come home late or not come home at all some nights. That lack of care, commitment, and prioritizing is impossible to miss when you're listening to your intuition (more on that below!).

Relationships always call for following your instincts and trusting your gut. You know better than anyone how someone else is making you feel, so you're in the best position to see the truth about your relationship. Jaime Bronstein confirms that if "your intuition tells you that something is off," something probably is off. She adds that you might "sense your significant other being distant, less connected to you," but you might also just feel like the person you're dating isn't being completely honest with you, or doesn't care about you the way you care about them. 

When following this tip, it's really important to differentiate between real instinct and plain old fear. It's your intuition if you sense that they're speaking to other people because they clearly don't prioritize you, they repeatedly cancel on you, or you notice any of the other signs on this list. Baseless fear, on the other hand, is often accompanied by cruel, judgmental thoughts that tend to feed existing insecurities, limiting beliefs, and imposter syndrome. If you are getting a gut feeling, spend time reflecting on it and asking yourself why that is. Above all else, following your instincts will be a peaceful and relaxed experience that leaves you feeling like you've done the right thing.