First Date Myths Everyone Falls For

Whether you're a seasoned dater or brand new to the scene, going on a first date will pretty much always be a daunting experience. But if you're hoping for a long-term relationship — or even just a fling that lasts a few months — then bucking up to that first date is a necessary evil. It's just like ripping off a Band-Aid; you have to take the plunge for your own good. There are a few ways to safely and smoothly navigate a first date like a pro, and one of the best things you can do to ensure the date goes as well as possible is adjust your expectations beforehand. 

To find out what unrealistic ideas about first dates some of us might be carrying, Glam spoke exclusively to love expert Nicole Moore, celebrity love and relationship coach, body language expert, and founder and CEO of Love Works Method. As it turns out, the main misconception that a lot of first daters have is that the goal is to portray a perfect, flawless person while hiding your true self. "While it's great to be mindful of how you're showing up on a first date, perfectionist energy can be a major turn off," Moore shares. As long as you're comfortable being yourself and forget the typical conventions that you think all first dates must have, like interrogative questions and immediate sparks, you'll likely have a great time — and might even kick off something special. 

Wanting to be the best version of yourself on a first date is normal, but Nicole Moore reveals that one of the biggest first date myths is that it's a good idea to hide all your flaws and portray an image of perfection. "Many people operate as if first dates are auditions where they have to present their best possible self and this causes them to operate in a fake and overly curated manner," she explains exclusively to Glam. "Not everyone is looking for someone who presents as perfect on the first date, some are looking for authenticity and realness, so don't be afraid to reveal the real you on a first date." 

Dating anxiety is often so intense because people tend to focus on trying to impress the other person and worry that they won't measure up. Instead of putting on an act, focus on how you feel on the date and whether you're impressed or not. All you need to do is be yourself, and if they don't fall for that, then they're not the one for you. 

Moore adds that your chances of landing a second date might actually increase if you're comfortable just being yourself; vulnerable people with real personalities are always better than robots and Instagram filters. "This myth seems to apply to all sexual orientations as many people still mistakenly believe that playing it cool and hiding their real self is the way to win love," she explains.

First dates are more for making first impressions and getting a sense of the other person than they are for truly getting to know each other. Really coming to understand another person takes time, so don't try to rush it into a two-hour first date. "It's a myth that you have to run each first date through the same standard set of getting-to-know-you questions that everyone asks," Nicole Moore exclusively tells Glam. "The truth is, many people are currently operating with extreme dating fatigue and they're looking for connections that feel new, inspiring and original." She notes that questions like "What do you do for a living?" and "How many siblings do you have?" are particularly common in heterosexual relationships: "Somehow in these partnerships, people came to really believe that they had to interview first dates to see if they checked off all the boxes of a potential partner and this has gotten in the way of establishing genuine connection."

The good news is you don't have to replace these tired questions with awkward silence. Instead, Moore advises opting for more exciting and thoughtful questions to stimulate a deeper connection and more original conversation. "When you ask original questions that evoke emotions ... you're much more likely to spark a real connection and get asked out on a second date," she says. Forget asking where they went to school and instead inquire about what movie character they'd like to be or which historical period they'd love to travel back to.

We've probably all heard that having sex early on can ruin any prospects of a long-term relationship, but is that true? "Most people believe that anyone who has sex on a first date is just looking for sex and not looking for anything serious, and women, especially, have been plagued with a consistent message that if they 'give it up too early,' a guy won't want to date them further," Nicole Moore tells Glam exclusively. "The truth is, though, there are many successful relationships that began with sex on the first date." 

The idea that sex equates to a different kind of relationship without any real love or commitment again stems from traditional views of sex that aren't always relevant in the modern dating landscape. Moore explains that sleeping with someone on the first date can lead to deep connections that actually spur people to keep dating. "This myth is definitely more popular with heterosexual relationships, and it tends to be heavily biased towards shaming women for having sex on the first date rather than men," she adds.

That's not to say that sex is required on a first date for a deep connection to form. It's a deeply personal decision that will vary between people and couples, so there's no right or wrong amount of time to wait. Moore advises following your intuition and staying true to your boundaries, but don't feel that sleeping with your date will always ruin your chances of a meaningful relationship. 

If you grew up on Disney and rom-coms, you're probably waiting for that magical spark of chemistry to tell you that you've found the one. However, Nicole Moore points out that this idea belongs in the fantasy realm rather than the real world, and a lukewarm first date isn't necessarily a sign that you haven't found the one. "Many people believe that chemistry has to be present from the very first date or else that person is definitely not the one but this is actually a myth," she exclusively explains to Glam. "Yes, many people do experience an intuition that they've met the one after a first date, but for every couple who had instant chemistry on date one, there are many others who built a strong connection over time."

The problem with waiting for this spark is that you might reject someone who could be great for you if you gave the relationship time to develop, as some connections grow slower than others. "This myth is not sexual orientation dependent but it definitely seems to be more prevalent with women seeking men who have watched lots of romance movies or dating shows focused on finding the one," Moore adds. 

At the end of the day, your gut will tell you whether you want to see the other person again. There's no need to force yourself if you're really not feeling it, but just be open to the idea that the burning magical chemistry might take a little time to develop. 

While the concept of the man paying for the first date might seem romantic or chivalrous to some, this custom is tied up in traditional gender roles, and according to Nicole Moore, it "doesn't have a lot of merit in today's dating landscape." Paying for the first date (or even all dates) is linked to the idea of the man in straight couples being the provider while women take on more nurturing roles. But in a world where women make their own money and work equal hours to their male counterparts, this is no longer a given — or even universally desirable. In our exclusive conversation, Moore reveals that it's becoming increasingly common for heterosexual couples to split all bills in half. 

"Of course, if you have a personal preference to date someone who will pay on the first date, it's okay to have that preference, but try not to automatically assume things about a date who asks you to split the bill on the first date," Moore explains. "Instead, communicate your expectations and desires with that person, if you're interested in dating them further, to see if you're on the same page about finances and paying for things." It can be difficult to approach your partner about money issues later on in the relationship, so it's best to start off with a mutual understanding about your finances as a couple.