5 Things That Ensure A Good First Date, According To Science

First dates can be equal parts exciting and nerve-wracking. Whether you're looking for "the one" or just hoping to enjoy some no-strings-attached romance, initial impressions are so important. But in the jumble of anticipation and anxiety that is dating, it can be all too easy to commit some critical first-date mistakes, from nitpicking a new partner to miscommunicating your intentions. The result can be a tortuous first-date experience full of crossed wires, forced politeness, and zero chemistry.

Wondering how to dodge these pitfalls and help your date run more smoothly? It turns out that science has some answers. To learn more, Glam spoke exclusively to relationship expert Terri Orbuch, PhD — aka The Love Doctor®. As a distinguished professor at Oakland University in Michigan and the author of "Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship," Dr. Orbuch knows what it takes to set a scientifically solid foundation for romance, starting from that all-important first date.

There's something to be said for spontaneity, but when it comes to first dates, you may not want to leave everything to chance. In fact, Dr. Terri Orbuch advises you to plan ahead. "Take time to think about what you'll do and say on the first date," she exclusively tells Glam. "Plan what kind of image you want to present. Rehearse questions, make a list of possible topics to talk about, and make reservations in advance for dinner, theater, or wherever you plan to go."

Not only will you feel more prepared — and, hopefully, at ease — but the very act of planning could make a good impression on your date. "Studies show that by planning ahead, you'll come across as a person who cares and makes plans, is serious about dating, and considers the date to be important," Dr. Orbuch adds.

A little forethought can also help you avoid common dating traps. For instance, you may want to skip the dinner date for more casual coffee or drinks so you aren't stuck for too long if the date disappoints. You could also leverage planning to avoid the movies for a more meaningful first-date experience or coordinate a safe exit strategy in case things get outright uncomfortable.

When it comes to first-date communication, your conversation should be a two-way street. "Ask questions and listen well," Dr. Terri Orbuch recommends. "Many people spend the entire first date talking about themselves. Don't. You may feel the need to 'sell' yourself, but in reality, your date won't like it." After all, no one wants to hear their date endlessly monologue. Instead, Dr. Orbuch says to ask your date open-ended questions about themselves, such as about their hobbies and interests. "Someone who asks questions is seen as interesting and attractive on first dates," she exclusively tells Glam.

One study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology put this theory to the test by having participants exchange questions "escalating in personal and emotional depth" and found that "curiosity predicted positive relationship outcomes." One of the study's authors, Todd Kashdan, even remarked, "Being interested is more important ... than being interesting. ... It's the secret juice of relationships" (via Greater Good Magazine, the University of California, Berkeley's science-backed publication).

So, whip out a thoughtful first-date question or two and practice active listening to actually hear and respond to your date's answers. Of course, if you're on a good date, your potential flame may have the same strategy. In this case, answer their inquiries naturally, and offer your own questions to keep the conversation balanced. As Dr. Orbuch suggests, "If your date asks you question after question ... take charge and say, 'Enough about me. I'd love to hear a lot more about you.'"

You might be impatient to make a connection with your date, especially if you've taken Dr. Terri Orbuch's suggestion and come armed with curiosity. But while you can certainly skip the small talk while getting to know someone, remember that you don't have to jump straight into the deep end with your questions — nor do you need to tell your entire life story in one sitting. On the contrary, Dr. Orbuch suggests revealing your innermost self slowly.

"On a first date, many people make the mistake of laying it all on the table, the good and the bad, so your date knows exactly what they're getting into and what you're all about," she exclusively tells us. However, this overeager approach can backfire. "Studies show that people don't want to hear too much too soon. When people disclose too much information on the first date — especially intimate and personal information — people are likely to feel overwhelmed and think the other person is not trustworthy."

One study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology also linked self-control issues — perhaps oversharing, in this case — to social anxiety, which probably isn't what you want to show off on a first date. Enter the need for a little mindful self-editing during your first-date convos. "Disclose personal information gradually over time," Dr. Orbuch explains, adding, "If this person is right for you, there will be plenty of time to share personal details."

Some first dates are immediate disasters, whether you meet someone online who totally lacks chemistry in person or your friend sets you up with a rando who really isn't your type. But when you've bagged a date with someone you really like, it's important that they can pick up on your positive regard. But how do you do this? "Use body language," Dr. Terri Orbuch explains. "Studies show that your eye contact, smile, posture, and body language can all convey a message of, 'Hey, I'm interested in you!'"

This might include classic nonverbal signs of attraction like fidgeting, leaning toward the other person, and mirroring (mimicking your date's own posture and body language). Eye contact can be a particularly powerful tool, too, even if it leaves you feeling a little bit vulnerable. According to a study in the Journal of Research in Personality that examined the impact of direct eye contact on affection, subjects who held prolonged eye contact experienced "increased feelings of passionate love for each other."

As such, it's no surprise that Dr. Orbuch suggests broadcasting your interest with eye contact and other subtle signals, particularly if the date is going well and you'd like there to be a second. As Dr. Orbuch exclusively tells Glam, "On a first date, use your eyes or body movements to show that you like or are interested in the other person, to show you are approachable, and to make a good first impression."

In an ideal world, every new romance would be filled with those fun and fizzy first-date nerves — the ones that lead to laughter and buoyant conversation rather than stilted small talk and painful silence. But we often overlook a critical component to building this exciting atmosphere: keeping things lighthearted and drama-free on a first date. As Dr. Terri Orbuch says, "Focus on the positive. Studies show that a positive, optimistic approach is what people find most attractive on first dates."

This includes a cardinal rule of dating: Don't talk about your ex. "This is an unbreakable rule," Dr. Orbuch exclusively tells us. "Don't talk about your ex-relationships, your legal woes, your money problems, or your custody battles on a first date." This list isn't exhaustive, either; anything too heavy could bog down this crucial getting-to-know-you phase, and no-go topics will vary depending on your personal circumstances. For this first meeting, just steer away from overall downers, including work woes or family issues.

Of course, sometimes the currents of conversation may sweep you into these topics unwillingly. Your date may even bring them up. In this case, Dr. Orbuch recommends polite discretion. "If asked about an ex, make your answers as brief and neutral as possible and then move on." Lingering on the subject could introduce negativity, and "you just don't know your date well enough yet ... and you don't know if your date will empathize with your ex more than you," Dr. Orbuch concludes.