More And More People Aren't Proposing With Engagement Rings - Here's Why

If you consider yourself a romantic, you've probably dreamed about the perfect proposal at one point or another. And while everyone's fantasy is slightly different, most involve a recurring staple: one partner getting down on bended knee and presenting an engagement ring. The notion of engagement rings dates back to the days of ancient Rome, when rings were transferred as a sign of female ownership. Over the centuries, they've evolved to become a sign of everlasting love and commitment — at least, that's what the diamond sellers say! But one of 2024's most unique engagement trends is seeing fewer people actually proposing with a ring at all, and (sorry, hopeless romantics) it has everything to do with being practical.

As jeweler Tessa Metcalfe told Refinery29, people are less inclined to propose with an engagement ring these days because of a conundrum that has haunted couples for years. The person wearing the ring wants to be involved in choosing it so they don't end up stuck with an expensive piece of jewelry that they don't actually like, but at the same time, they want the romance of their partner surprising them during the proposal. The answer is an increasingly popular trend that sees people proposing with another kind of gesture — perhaps a less-expensive piece of jewelry. Then, once the couple is actually engaged, both parties embark on choosing a ring together — something they'll have plenty of time for if they plan for a long engagement.

While there are certainly still some couples going the typical route with a surprise engagement ring during the proposal, it seems that the trends are veering away from tradition. The beauty of delaying buying the engagement ring until after the engagement is that it preserves the romantic element while also being practical. "That way you can choose something that pushes the boundaries and shows your partner how much you know their taste and humor whilst respecting their autonomy to choose the engagement ring together [later on]," Tessa Metcalfe told Refinery29. Presenting a less-expensive engagement gift for the proposal itself may not be the stuff of epic love stories, but it does eliminate the chance of one partner having to pretend to like a ring that's just not them, and the other partner essentially wasting their money. 

So, what should you propose with if it's not a ring? An empty ring box could work, since it lets your partner know that a ring will be coming. You could also plan something creative — like writing a poem or making a slideshow of memories — to save your pennies for the eventual ring while still showing your partner how much they mean to you. These are all great options for balancing practicality with romance.

The trend of fewer people proposing with engagement rings has nothing to do with rejecting the notion of the ring itself, but some people argue that a ring-free engagement altogether is the way of the future. In an essay for Time, editor Belinda Luscombe makes a strong case against the concept of engagement rings, calling out their patriarchal origins. That's not to say that your partner is inherently sexist if they buy a ring, but the custom itself doesn't necessarily promote the value of equality. Additionally, Luscombe points out that traditional gender roles have largely changed, so there's not much sense in one partner spending a significant portion of their earnings on a piece of jewelry for the other partner to wear when both partners probably work. Others take issue with the fact that while rings "mark" women in heteronormative couples as "off the market" until they get married, their male counterparts are free to appear to still be single. 

One way to get around these issues is for both partners to wear engagement rings. It removes the inequality in one partner appearing single while the other appears taken, and also gets rid of any lingering feelings related to one partner's "ownership" of the other. But ultimately, if engagement rings don't sit right with you, they're by no means obligatory, whether they appear in the proposal or not. An engagement should be about the love two people share, and their personal tastes and values are a huge part of that.