The Most Attractive Trait A Man Can Have, According To Research
Ever wonder what makes or breaks an attractive man? Pick up a romance novel with a male love interest, and you might come up with plenty of ideas. From good looks and nice eyes to self-confidence and a quick sense of humor, certain traits have gained a reputation for being desirable. But scientific research points to another attractive trait that's often overlooked: compassion.
Study after study has singled out kindness as a top priority among romantics. For instance, a 2013 paper in BMC Evolutionary Biology found that acts of selflessness made subjects more attractive, especially in long-term relationships. Meanwhile, college students polled for a study in The Journal of Personality selected kindness as their number one priority in a partner, even beating out physical attractiveness and financial security. This sure says something warm and fuzzy about our values as a species, but why do we place so much emphasis on compassion?
Why do we value compassion above all else?
Step aside, bad boys — research has shown that kindness in men is a major turn-on for various demographics. "In an evolutionary sense, it makes sense that we would all be attracted to someone who is — or who we perceive to be — trustworthy, loving and sensitive, someone who will be there when we need them and who gives us support," researcher and assistant professor of psychology Eva Klohnen explained in a 2003 article in Monitor on Psychology, the American Psychological Association's magazine. This article hailing from two decades ago just goes to show that our love for kindness isn't anything new.
In other words, we're all looking for a partner who has our back through thick and thin, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and so on and so forth. While good looks and money can be fleeting, strong moral character — including a loving, compassionate nature — is an appealing bedrock for real relationships. Being able to trust and rely on a partner is a perk that simply can't be bought or replaced.
What about the old adage that "nice guys finish last"? Maybe don't take that one at face value. After all, who decides whether a guy is nice? Many toxic individuals don't realize that they're toxic, and if a man has to go out of his way to tell you he's a good guy, it might be a red flag hiding anything from intentional manipulation to people-pleasing tendencies and a gross sense of entitlement. You're better off making your own judgment call.
How to recognize kindness in a potential partner
Modern dating is no joke. You may not even know the person you're joining for dinner or drinks, operating on a half-formed opinion from their dating profile and text etiquette. Ideally, you're following safe ways to use dating apps, like telling your friends where you're going and with whom. But if you can't tell whether someone is an ax murderer, how are you supposed to know whether they're selfless and compassionate?
Even if your kindness radar isn't perfectly tuned, there are some signs to look for. For instance, treating others well is a green flag everyone should look for in relationships. From friends, coworkers, and pets to the waitstaff serving you during your date, look for an empathetic partner who displays consistent compassion, not just a nice face to the people they want to impress.
Other signs of genuine kindness include gratitude, active listening, honesty, and a willingness to help. Essentially, these are all ways to walk the walk rather than talk the talk. Are they listening just to answer or because they're invested in your thoughts and well-being? Do they tell you the truth, even when it's tough to hear? Do you have to beg for assistance, or do they step in when you need them? Kindness is a pretty big umbrella term for many everyday behaviors that help build a positive, long-term romance. When in doubt, examine the little things — they typically reflect the bigger picture.