5 Mindset Coach Tips For Owning Your Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is a lifelong struggle for many women. After all, women receive messages from society on a daily basis that encourage them to stay small and be content with only playing supporting roles. However, it's hard to argue with the fact that you should always play the main character in the context of your own life. Taking the reins to do so, though, can require a deep dive into your own self-worth and your limiting beliefs about your values and capabilities.

Honoring the faith that you have in yourself — no matter how small — is the first step to amplifying your self-esteem to levels you never thought were possible. It all starts with intentionality and direction. Luckily, Glam had the pleasure of chatting exclusively with professional mindset and manifestation coach Efia Sulter of The Manifest Edit Podcast. If you tend to struggle to embrace your own self-confidence, these pro tips are for you.

The idea of overcoming your own limiting beliefs gets a lot of attention in the self-help community. But, Efia Sulter asks, what about your limiting identities? "Who you perceive yourself to be has a much more profound impact on how show up in the day-to-day," she exclusively told Glam. "If you want to change how you feel about yourself, you have to get comfortable with leaving behind the old identities that previously kept you small."

Don't just ask yourself where you feel limited in your life or your beliefs about your potential. Ask yourself if your own identity has changed along with you. Are you still holding onto an identity that you outgrew ten years ago? Five years ago? One year ago? Change and growth are never-ending, and if your idea of your own identity is static, you likely aren't giving yourself nearly enough credit for the person you've become. 

"Fake it 'til you make it" is advice as old as time for those who are struggling with low self-esteem or impostor syndrome. Simply pretending that you're something you're not, however, might not be the healthiest approach to honoring your own self-worth, according to Efia Sulter. "I've always thought of this as terrible advice that causes people to continually affirm to themselves that they are not who or where they want to be," she exclusively told us.

"Instead of faking it," the life coach advises, "become it. Embody the version of yourself who is already confident. The version who behaves how you want to behave — who has what you desire to have. Start showing up as them now from an empowered place." At the end of the day, you decide who you are and when you've made it. Embody the traits you admire, and you'll become them.

As a woman, it can feel very difficult to take up space — physically or figuratively — in a world long ruled by men. It can feel much easier and safer to shrink yourself down to fit into the allotment given to you by those in power than it feels to stand tall in all your glory. Efia Sulter's exclusive advice for Glam readers? "Don't shrink yourself to fit spaces that wouldn't have been able to contain even an ounce of your magic."

"Although you may fool yourself into thinking that by doing so, you're doing the world a favor," she explains. "The truth is — in most cases — it's not about creating room for other people. It's a fear of your own expansion. The only way to overcome this fear is to take action, so you can begin getting comfortable with taking up space." Try to identify the ways in which you make yourself small, meek, quiet, or convenient for others and make a point of no longer taking those measures. 

How many traits can you think of that you admire about yourself? Which abilities do you feel fully confident in almost all the time? Even if each of those categories consists of only one or two items, hold them up and acknowledge them to yourself and to others. "Value the confidence you do have," Efia Sulter told us in our exclusive chat. "It's not delusional to think highly of yourself or to acknowledge what you bring to the table. The real delusion," she insisted, "is everything that tells you that you're not, you can't, or you shouldn't. To feel more confident, you have to get comfortable with acknowledging what you're good at."

Sulter recommends taking the time to determine what your personal assets are. Are you a hard worker? A loyal friend? A hilarious comedic relief provider? A caring parent dedicated to breaking generational cycles? Write down everything you consider to be a personal asset you possess and keep the list somewhere where you'll see it on a daily basis. Then, read affirmations as part of your self-care routine.

You don't have to shatter the glass ceiling before you can take a moment to celebrate who you are and the progress you've made. "Confidence is not just in the big moments; it's also in the day-to-day," Efia Sulter exclusively told Glam. "Practice telling yourself that you're proud of yourself and hyping yourself up when you accomplish things."

"Whether it's nailing a project at work or feeling yourself in a beautiful outfit, praise doesn't need to be deserved," the manifestation coach continued. "You are already worthy and you deserve the praise for the simple fact that you exist." Who says you can't throw yourself a party just for making it through a rough day or sticking to your list at the grocery store? Celebrate yourself because waiting around for others to celebrate you will only leave you disappointed. Take control and watch your self-confidence start to blossom.