How Do You Determine If Your Rocky Relationship Is Worth Saving?
Every relationship has its ups and downs — that's a given. No matter how hard you try to avoid arguments with your partner, it's nearly impossible to do, and they will happen at some point in your relationship. However, there are some couples who seem like they're fighting 24/7. You might be thinking, "That sounds a lot like my relationship," and it very well may be. Do you notice you and your partner arguing over the most minuscule things? Does it feels like every time you turn around, you're mad at each other?
Maybe the two of you are facing bigger challenges, like working through issues after one of you was caught cheating. You might also feel like this relationship isn't for you, but don't know what to do about it. In any of these situations, you have to wonder, is your rocky relationship worth saving, or is it time to call it quits? It's difficult to determine, but there are a few things to consider before making your next move.
Does this person bring out the best in you?
If you're considering whether or not your relationship is worth saving, ask yourself if your partner brings out the best in you. Do they make you a better person or do they tear you down? Are they your biggest fan or your greatest critic? If you agreed with the latter, that's one sign your rocky relationship might be on its way out. A healthy relationship is about pushing you to better yourself, not criticizing or making you feel small or unimportant. This behavior can put a serious damper on how you feel about your partner.
In that same vein, you have to consider how you treat your partner. Do you bring out the best in them? It's not just up to them to root you — you have to share that same love and support for your partner too. If this doesn't reflect how you act in your current relationship, you're probably better off with someone else.
Why did you decide to be with this person?
One of the most important things to think about when you're questioning your relationship is why you chose to be with your partner in the first place. Was it a rebound? Did they provide for you financially during a tough time? Maybe it seemed like dating them was the right thing to do. These may have felt like valid reasons at the time, but looking back, you might start to question their validity. Did they check all the boxes you want in a partner, or did you jump into something because you were lonely?
These are all good questions to ask yourself when deciding how to move forward in your rocky relationship. Is it worth saving, or can you find what you're really searching for in someone else — someone that actually makes you feel safe and cared for, who is kind and understanding. Your partner should check all of your boxes instead of just one or two.
Are you both putting in the effort to fix your issues?
When you're trying to smooth out a rocky relationship, the responsibility doesn't fall on just one person. It takes both partners to put in effort to save the relationship. If one or both of you have mentally checked out and are no longer interested in working on your issues, it's time to call things off. At that point, the two of you are basically just staying together for the sake of it. According to Psychology Today, a lot of people stay in relationships because they're afraid of the alternative — that they won't find something better.
It might seem irrational to those who don't understand it, but it's common among people with low self-esteem. They believe they aren't worthy of finding a person better than their current partner, no matter how toxic the relationship is. These people might try to put in the work to fix their relationship for a while. But eventually, when they don't see any results, they throw their hands up and say "Forget it."
Is your partner exhibiting red flags?
It's possible that at the beginning of your relationship, you felt like your partner was the greatest person you'd ever met. However, as time went on, you may have noticed that they started exhibiting serious red flags. Maybe they began staying out late with no explanation as to why, or they decided to get lunch with an ex they claimed was only a friend. If you ever feel like your partner is lying, there's a reason why you feel that way. Feel free to speak up about your concerns, and don't allow them to gaslight you into thinking you're crazy.
If they do, there's a strong chance they're doing exactly what you're accusing them of. Red flags are red flags for a reason, and it's better to catch them now before your relationship becomes more serious. Remember, just because a person doesn't show any warning signs up front doesn't mean they don't have any. Sometimes, they just take a while to show up. If you find yourself in this situation, it may not be a good idea to invest any more energy into the relationship.
Do you still care about each other?
When it comes down to it, you have to ask yourself if you and your partner still care about each other. After all, you did at one point, right? Whether you've been dating three months or three years, the two of you have created a bond no one can understand. You've supported each other during your best and your worst moments. The question is, would you still come to their rescue if they needed you, and would they do the same? If you know either of you would drop anything to help the other person, that's a relationship worth saving.
On the other hand, if you answered no to both questions, that's a sure fire sign it's time to say goodbye to the rocky relationship. When you stop caring about the other person, why would you care about your partnership? The two go hand-in-hand. It's easy to say you don't care in the middle of a heated argument, so it's crucial you actually take time to sit down and think of exactly what — and how much — your partner means to you.