Not Having A Social Media Presence Is One Of The Sexiest Things You Can Do In 2023

In the modern world of dating, almost everything is online. We flirt on each other's Facebook walls, we slide into each other's Instagram DMs, and we even use social media to meet our next great love. Platforms like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, and OkCupid are tried and true ways to meet a partner, and they're not just for us plebes — even celebrities have embraced the romantic powers of social media. Celebrity dating platform Raya has famously boasted users like Ben Affleck and Matthew Perry, per The Mercury News. And hey, if Prince Harry and Meghan Markle can meet via Instagram, heck, so can we!

Of course, dating via social media comes with a whole host of problems. Learning to keep our relationship issues off of social media is key (but ahhhh so difficult!), and we may find that our partner is not one to show us off online, leading to suspicion and hurt. So when we encounter someone who is not extremely online, it somehow feels like a breath of fresh air. Do you mean to tell us that we can't stalk them online? See pics of their exes?  Discover their likes and interests? Mmmmm, tell us more. Why is the elusive offline partner so appealing? In fact, according to data, being extremely offline is the sexiest trait one can have in 2023. We investigate why. 

Thriving Center of Psychology reported on a 2023 survey of 1,000 American singles, finding that 19% believe having no social media presence is sexy, while 80% wanted to meet their partner offline (although 49% suspected it might happen on a dating app). This could be because it suggests they have a high degree of confidence, and they don't need to impress others with their social life. Thus, their rejection of the instant gratification that comes with "likes" can make you swoon. "A lower use or lack of social media is probably associated with a certain kind of personality and they are most probably less vain and less narcissistic," says Swansea University professor Dr. Alex Jones, per Dazed Digital. Psychotherapist Stefani Goerlich agrees, telling Mic, "People who [stay offline] may be seen as iconoclastic and exceptionally self-confident, since they are choosing to forego the instant gratification of upvotes, likes, and gif reactions."

In the end, it might be the eternal mystery of this person. "If you can't be stalking somebody and find out what's going on, then you're going to be intrigued," dating expert James Preece told VICE. "Any sort of mystery or unavailability is immediately an attractive quality." 

These days, with platforms selling our meta data to advertisers, staying offline can also indicate admirable morals. "Let's be real: People who are willing to stand up for what they believe in, even when it means sacrificing some convenient benefits, is sexy AF," says Goerlich.

According to a study by Elite singles, 75% of women and 59% of men check out their date's social media before going out with them. One reason for that might be related to what legendary "The Handmaid's Tale" author Margaret Atwood once said: "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them." 

Psychotherapist Stefani Goerlich told Mic that your date might have no online presence because they are worried about the dangers of the internet. "Threats such as identity theft, revenge porn, and brigading by online trolls when one expresses an opinion online are all motivating factors in the move away from living such an exposed online life," Goerlich told the outlet.

And perhaps those exact reasons also contribute to why you should be wary of those with no social media presence. Might they be engaging  in identity theft, or catfishing? Do they have a history of posting revenge porn of their exes? Are they dangerous incels? "For women, meeting a date who they have initiated contact with online could carry physical harm risks. Someone without any accessible background probably would look very suspicious," Dr. Alex Jones told Dazed Digital. The big takeaway here is to always trust your spidey-sense, go with your gut, and if something feels unsafe, don't do it.