The Type Of Language That May Signal Your Partner Is Lying To You

When people lie, their body reacts differently. Some people fidget or touch their face (especially their nose), others begin to sweat or get flushed in the chest and neck area, some have facial expressions that are unusual and unfamiliar, then there are those who can't make eye contact or, if they do, it's brief as their eyes dart away quickly to avoid implicating themselves.

Although lying to your partner is rarely a good thing — unless it's a harmless white lie to protect their feelings — it's still very common. According to a YouGov America survey, 49% of Americans report having lied more than once to their partner. The research also found that 36% lie to this significant other less than once a month, 12% lie a few times a month, 11% lie a few times a week, and 6% lie to their partner every day. 

Apparently, while we can collectively admit lying is wrong, there are still a lot of lies being tossed around in relationships. But as much as there are definitive physical signals that your partner isn't being totally forthcoming, the type of language they use can also be tell-tale signs that you're not being told the truth.

If you've never been told that you can't trust anybody who says, "trust me," then here's your wake-up call. When someone tells you that you need to trust them, they're basically asking you to not only have ultimate confidence in what they say, but they are also insulting you as if you're not able to think for yourself and must put all your trust in them.

"My grandmother always said, 'Never trust someone who says, 'trust me,' they are lying or trying to trick you.' Trust your gut instead," president of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting Jodi R. R. Smith tells Reader's Digest. "Untrustworthy people rely on your listening to their words instead of their behavioral cues. Your brain is smarter than you think."

Trust is something that needs to be earned. If your partner is telling you to trust them, there's a good chance it's indicative of past behavior — not necessarily with you — but with someone else in which their honesty was questioned. Because of this, their default is to tell people to trust them, even when they just might be the last person you should trust. 

Whether it's "honestly," or "just to be honest," or "I swear I'm being honest," bringing the word "honest" into a conversation is done to emphasize an honesty that probably doesn't exist. If someone is being honest with you, they don't need to use that at all, let alone over and over again. Instead, they should just say the truth and leave it at that — that's what a truly honest person would do. If your partner frivolously uses the word "honest" or even "I swear," you might as well call them out on it right then and there, and ask them what they're hiding. 

People tend to think that just because they use a word that means truthfulness it will automatically convince the person they're lying to that there is nothing but the truth being spoken. But that's not how it works. Words are powerful and even if we choose to use them in our own way to get what we want or convince someone of something that isn't true, it doesn't mean those words will bend at your command. 

Words like "never" or "always" are meant to confuse, because they're words that are often used in promises. For example, "I will always love you" or "I'd never hurt you." These words have a lot of weight to them and can even be used to gaslight you because of their power and the confusion they cause. If you have a suspicion that your partner is lying to you and they tell you that they'll "always" be truthful and would "never" lie, you're forced to second-guess your original suspicions and that's exactly what your partner wants — they want you to doubt your instinct and even feel as though you're being dramatic or crazy and everything is all in your head. This is gaslighting, through and through.

Granted, this doesn't meant that every time your partner uses "always" or "never" they're trying to take control of the conversation and spin it so they're innocent. But if you have a hunch that they might be lying, you'll realize these words, in particular, have a different feeling to them. 

When someone is lying, they never keep it simple. Think about all the times you've called out sick from work so you could go to the beach instead. It's pretty doubtful that you just sent your boss an email that said, "I'm sick." Instead, you likely sent a long woe-is-me essay detailing a fever, gastro issues, the amount of hours you spent on the toilet with those gastro issues, and how you're thinking you should probably go to the hospital. When people lie, they never say anything simply.

If your partner is lying to you about anything, it can be detected in how long and exaggerated their tale is, with details that are so unnecessary that it just becomes a fantastical story that's simply impossible to believe to be true. While they may think they're giving you the information you need in order to believe them, what they're really doing is implicating themselves in whatever they're trying to hide from you.

Although language plays a big role in detecting whether your partner is lying to you or not, denial is also a factor. Many of us find it hard to believe that someone we love so much would lie, but it happens. People lie. But people also feel it in their gut, so when you do, listen to your partner's word choice carefully and remember, it might not even be a huge, life-altering lie. It could just be that maybe your partner ate the last cookie and decided to blame it on the dog instead.