The Benefits Of Solo Dates Trump Waiting For The One

Have you ever found yourself wishing you had a date just so you could check out a local bar, restaurant, or coffee shop you've had your eye on lately? Somewhere along the line, going out on the town solo became a taboo practice, especially for women. When venturing out to explore your own neighborhood or a whole new one alone, it's common to experience anxiety, self-consciousness, and fear of judgment. However, it doesn't have to be that way.

Taking yourself out on a date can provide you with far more benefits than waiting around for Prince or Princess Charming to sweep you off your feet just so you can finally check out that cool new karaoke lounge. Instead, put on your favorite outfit, take your time getting ready, and head out to wine and dine yourself. Here's why you should take the plunge when it comes to venturing out on solo dates. 

You don't even have to leave the house to start working on shifting your mindset around going out without a partner. Take some time to really dig deep about which of your beliefs are causing discomfort around the idea of existing in public without another person. Grab a notebook or journal and quickly write down every word or term that enters your mind when you imagine seeing another person eating, ordering a drink, or seeing a movie alone.

You might find yourself jotting down negative words like "lonely" or "desperate" or positive terms like "self-assured" or "confident". If your list is mostly negative, you are likely projecting your own view of solitude onto others and yourself and will need to further examine your own biases. Ask yourself if you can think of anyone you've ever seen out alone who didn't fit the terms you wrote down to start challenging your limiting beliefs. If your list is mostly positive, you're clearly being harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. It's time to start practicing intentional self-compassion and taking yourself out on a date is a great way to begin. 

When you avoid spending time alone, you may also unintentionally avoid self-development. In order to truly know a person, you must spend time with that person. Getting to truly know yourself is no exception. Consider starting out your solo dating journey by simply sitting in a bookstore, library, or coffee shop with your journal or a notes app. Every time you feel discomfort, make a note of your thoughts and what triggered them. For example, if you spot someone looking at you and immediately assume judgment, make a note.

Be sure to also make a note when you experience a positive emotion during your outing. If another person who's out on their own smiles at you and you feel a moment of approval or connection, note it. If you feel a brief surge of pride or empowerment for going through with your date with yourself, make a note of it. Once you return home, review your notes and look for patterns. If all your experiences were based on the reactions of others, you may find that you're too focused on external validation and need to work on valuing your own opinion more. 

Any activity that encourages you to take time for yourself to reflect, relax, experience joy, or perform personal care tasks should be considered an act of self-care. A solo date checks all four of those boxes. Make dating yourself an entire ritual and watch how your appreciation of self-care expands. Getting yourself ready to go out solo can include all the extra grooming, hygiene, and other personal care tasks you might normally put off after a stressful week.

After you've gone out, had fun, relaxed, and enjoyed your own company, tie in a wind-down routine that also benefits you. Perhaps every time you get home from a solo date you do a yin yoga routine or perform your full and often skipped skincare regimen. Habit stacking can take all the benefits of solo dates and multiply them by building bonus self-care tasks into the routine of dating yourself. 

You know that feeling when you accomplish something you were super intimidated by and then get hit with a rush of emotion that makes you feel like you're on top of the world? That's empowerment. When you feel empowered, you feel like you have power and control over your own life and circumstances. You're confident in your ability to overcome obstacles and stand up for your rights and beliefs.

Conquering your fear of going out alone is the perfect way to create a situation that will foster empowerment. If you experience discomfort or anxiety at first, just envision what it will feel like to finish your first successful solo date. It takes a strong person to put yourself in a situation you know will be uncomfortable so that you can reap the rewards of testing your own resilience. Once you come out the other side you will feel more fierce, strong, independent, and powerful than you ever have after a date with someone else. 

Helplessness is a learned state. The more you rely on other people to meet your needs, the less comfortable you'll become with meeting them yourself. It's important to exercise your ability to face challenges and develop skills on your own so that you feel confident that you can handle any situation you encounter, whether you're alone or in the company of others.

When you're out on the town on your own, you'll come across many opportunities to expand on skills that increase your overall sense of self-reliance. If you've spent most of your adult life in relationships, even something as small as calling your own Uber or Lyft after having a few drinks at a bar might be a new experience for you. Challenge yourself to work through just a little more discomfort each time you're out on your own and you'll barely recognize the badass babe that looks back at you in the mirror a year from now.